


fate brings us together and breaks us apart

by splashstar



Category: UTAU, Vocaloid
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Minor Character Death, Multiple Endings, Past Character Death, Red String of Fate, Slow Burn, Slow To Update
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:35:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 23,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24290677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/splashstar/pseuds/splashstar
Summary: if fate really does exist, and if said string really does connect us...would we still be together long after death? would we exist in one place for eternity, or would we be reincarnated endlessly?--au; kaito and len are connected by a red string, but happiness doesn't always follow them.
Relationships: Kagamine Len/Kaito, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Kudos: 23





	1. if we're going to run, we might as well do it together

**Author's Note:**

> i had this idea in 2018 of kaito and len being together in different lives and it became this
> 
> this fic is purely experimental for me, so there might be a lot of vacillation between writing styles (+ huge swaths of writer's block, probably), just an fyi so the whiplash isn't as intense lol. the point of this is to help me practice writing longer works/maybe play around with formatting, so critiques are 100% welcome!
> 
> hopefully i don't end up losing my motivation to write this whole thing lol...
> 
> *tags/warnings will be updated with each chapter!  
> *the rating went up from teen to mature starting in ch 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> insp: uousaou (every which way?) by mermaidp
> 
> *cw: homophobia, suicide by drowning

do you believe in fate?

in all honesty, i'm not quite sure what i believe. i tend to vacillate between different kinds of old wives' tales myself, but the idea of an invisible red string connecting my soul to yours always piqued my interest for some reason unknown to me.

if fate really does exist, and if said string really does connect us...would we still be together long after death? would we exist in one place for eternity, or would we be reincarnated endlessly?

that was something that crossed my mind that night...as much as i wish to forget it, it's vivid in my mind.

we were sitting together in that cottage when we heard their shouts and the distant roar of the flames on their torches. there was a silence between us, and we just listened. it was all we could think to do in that moment.

suddenly, i realized what it was. i felt my heart begin to race. we were in grave danger.

when i stood from the table and hurriedly took your hand in mine, you gave me a look that told me you knew what was going on, but you didn't want to believe it--and it shattered my heart. we both knew we had to move quickly, or our separation was imminent--a fate worse than death itself.

fearing for our safety--though, i'm sure we never truly felt _safe_ since we first learned of their true nature--i pulled you forward as we ran from the cottage, just in time to look back for a second after we'd gained some distance to see that they had thrown down their torches, putting it up in flames in hopes of burning us alive like witches. they were afraid of us, i realized, but there was no chance of us surviving if we tried to let them see our side. to them, being scared of something meant full, unadulterated hostility, and we were severely outnumbered.

we reached the river, and we both realized there was nowhere else for us to run. by then, they'd realized we had made our escape in time, and they were hot on our heels. i knew deep down that there was no chance of us coming out of this alive either way.

just then, i had an epiphany.

with gentle fingers, i swiftly pulled the red string that bound your long, golden hair, and wrapped it around our hands--and in that moment, you knew my intention.

we would never be separated now, right?

or perhaps...it wasn't _meant_ to be forced in such a way?

but none of that mattered to me at the time. i knew you thought about that red string just as much as i did. i just wanted you to have some peace of mind.

you took my hand, prepared, and we allowed ourselves to fall into the depths of the rushing water.

they never found us alive, at least. i suppose we have that to be thankful for, hm?

...i know you hate feeling lost, my dear. it's not anything i enjoy, either--just the feeling of the space around me being empty fills me with unease. i know you're out there trying to find me, and i know you're disoriented. but one day, daybreak will approach, and you won't have to stumble in the darkness anymore.

i promise we'll meet again.

i'll see you soon, my dear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no, the insp song doesn't have a posted english translation so i had to translate it for myself lol
> 
> i've always been terrible with first person povs for some reason (+ i'm so conditioned to write fics in second person bc that's mostly what i've been doing since 2014) so i figured i'd try it out again


	2. transient fragments

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> was what i gave you days of peace?
> 
> \--kaito helps len learn to move on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> insp: soundless voice by hitoshizuku-p and yama△ / proof of life by hitoshizuku-p and yama△ / endless wedge by hitoshizuku-p and yama△ / nameless song by dateken / thousand year solo by yanagi-p / feathers across the seasons by hitoshizuku-p and yama△
> 
> *i won't be tagging any modules but. just know that i 100% had ciel/violet on the brain while writing this  
> *i also don't think i'll be tagging any characters that don't have dialogue in this fic (or any not-super-important bg relationships) just so the tags aren't super clogged up bc i already have the rest of the fic p much laid out and i know how many characters are at least mentioned......

The wind howled, signaling an oncoming snowstorm.

Len stepped out of the cottage once again, closing the door softly behind him and making his way back to the large oak tree near the entrance to the forest. With each heavy step he took, the white snow crunched under his boots, taunting him for being alive when he knew he should have just died a long time ago. He had been told to press on and find a way to continue on with his life, but how could he do that when the one he had been relying on to stay strong all this time was gone? What happened to people whose guardian angels abandoned them?

" _Abandoned_ " was a strong word, however, and Len knew that. Rin may have left him on his own, but he knew she didn't do so willingly--but her promise to him that he wouldn't be alone even after she was gone had yet to be fulfilled. By now, it felt hopeless to keep waiting for something to happen, but who was he to doubt his dear sister?

The golden-haired boy walked up to the tree slowly, its barren, snow-covered branches looming over him and reminding him of the inevitable death that all forms of life had to accept at some point. Buried at the base of the tree in dirt and snow, marked simply with a thin branch that had fallen from the tree, was the body of the girl he had quite literally spent his whole life with, only for her to leave him to his own devices in a less than sudden way. In the same way he had been doing the last couple of weeks, he sat on his knees in front of the burial site in silence. The twins had been too young to fully understand grief when their parents unexpectedly left the cottage to them for reasons that neither could well recall; now that Len was older and suffering another loss, he knew even less of what to do with himself, but he found that sitting in the snow near his sister’s resting place seemed to give him some vague form of solace.

Out of the corner of his eye, as Len finally stood to turn back towards the cottage, an unusual figure caught his attention.

There, at the entrance to the forest, lay the ambiguous shape of what could have just as easily been identified as some injured woodland creature from the distance Len was standing at, but seemed more likely to be that of a human person. For the first time in what felt like ages, he walked past the oak tree, butterflies dancing in his stomach and his heart pounding out of his chest at the dreadful thought that he could be looking at another dead body. He approached the figure carefully, and began to piece together as he got close enough that the person was a man who didn't look much older than him, and what seemed to be his belongings in a large bag dusted in snow next to him. Len knelt down and hesitantly brought a cupped right hand just above the unconscious man's mouth, feeling small, shaky breaths hit his skin. He gasped, quickly retracting his hand, realizing he was still alive. He pressed his left dorsal to the man's forehead, warmth spreading rapidly along his hand. He couldn't stay out in the cold for much longer, especially with the coming storm, or there would be grave consequences.

Len's brain went into overdrive, realizing what he had to do. He was too weak to simply pick him up and carry him back inside, but he had to figure something out or it wouldn't help his conscience. "Hang on," he breathed, a new sense of determination in his voice as he stood up and pulled the man's bag onto his shoulders. He wrapped his thin arms tightly around his torso, preparing to drag his body through the snow towards the cottage. "I'm not letting you die out here, too."

* * *

Kaito woke up to the gentle sounds of crackling fire and the muted winter wind howling violently outside.

As his eyes adjusted to the room's dim yellow-orange hue from the light emitted by the flames in the fireplace, he glanced around, scanning his surroundings. On the side of the room directly across from him, there stood an easel with an unfinished painting of a flowering oak tree mounted on top of the canvas holder, a dark brown trunk presumably for holding art supplies, and an upright piano with a score perched onto its music rack. He shifted his view to the right, and saw a figure standing at the wooden table in the center of the room, their back turned toward him, minding whatever was in front of them.

Where _was_ he?

Realizing that he was in an unfamiliar place, Kaito shot up in the bed. A moist rag fell from his forehead into his lap, and he suddenly felt himself begin to get lightheaded. The figure turned, startled at the sound of the bed's abrupt movement. Kaito found himself face to face with a boy with golden hair tied into a short ponytail, not much younger than him, a surprised look in his aquamarine eyes that soon changed into what seemed to be wistfulness.

"You're awake," the boy acknowledged quietly after a pause. "Careful getting up. I don't know how long you were out there for, but you were running a fever when I found you."

Kaito picked the rag up, not wanting to further dampen the sheets. He pressed his right dorsal against his forehead, detecting more warmth than usual, but not so much that he would have declared it to be a fever--but perhaps the boy had found him warmer earlier. He glanced out the window to his left and saw a dark flurry of snow on the other side of the frosted glass. "I...I see," he muttered.

"People don't come up here often--the ones who do are usually just hunters. You actually scared me," the blonde confessed, approaching the bed and sitting down on the stool next to it, offering him a mug of tea. "I thought you already hadn't survived being out in the cold."

"Sorry to worry you like that," Kaito apologized, carefully accepting the mug and taking a sip from it, a faint sweetness hitting his tongue as the warm liquid slid smoothly down his throat. "I'm lucky you were there at all, though. I would've gotten caught in this storm otherwise. Thank you," he said, the boy responding with an affirmative hum and a slight nod. "What's...your name?"

"I'm Len."

" _Len_..." The name felt familiar on his tongue as he repeated it back, and the blue-haired man suddenly felt as if some vague memory buried in the deepest reaches of his mind was attempting to resurface--but he couldn't quite make sense of any of it. "I'm Kaito. Um...excuse me if I'm being forward, but have we...met somewhere before?"

Len blinked. "I...don't know," he answered honestly, slight bewilderment in his voice at the unexpected query. "I feel like I would've recognized you earlier if we had."

Kaito paused, then shook his head. "Maybe I'm mistaking you for someone else. I'm sorry."

"No, I don’t mind it. But I did want to ask...what were you doing out there, anyway?"

"Ah...it wasn't anything special.” Kaito gazed down at the dark brown liquid swirling around in the cup. “I just...wandered too far and got lost in the forest. That's all."

Len hummed. "It _is_ easy to lose your way in there, I guess. I barely know my way through it myself." He glanced up at the frost-covered window, the pensive expression Kaito had seen earlier returning to his face. "I don't know when this storm's going to subside, but...you're welcome to stay for as long as you like."

"I appreciate that."

"You should get some rest. The sun's already gone down, anyway." Len stood from his seat, gathering the kettle from the table into his hands. "If you need anything," he began, opening the door, "just call for me."

"I will. Thank you."

The boy smiled, listless still, and stepped out of the room, closing the door softly behind him and leaving Kaito with his own thoughts as he kept himself upright to finish his tea.

Behind Len's kind demeanor laid something more, Kaito knew. However altruistic he seemed, there was an air of sadness to him. Fatigue. If there was something amiss, he wasn't hiding it well--but of course, there was no reason to force him to say anything if he didn't want to; Kaito wasn't that type of person, anyway. All he knew was that Len was not happy. He knew better than to pry for answers to something that was none of his business, especially if it was a sensitive subject matter, but he was taught to follow his heart. He knew deep down that meeting Len had filled a void that he didn't even know he had.

Len had very much just saved his life. He had to repay him somehow.

* * *

Unbeknownst to him, Len had been healing a little more every day since meeting Kaito just over a week before.

He had assumed Kaito was just a traveler who had ended up in an unfortunate state of affairs, but it turned out that he'd spent half of his life in the very heart of the forest, and knew his way through it better than Len did. Len had only ever familiarized himself with the southern outskirts of the forest nearest to his cottage, where Kaito was unexpectedly the complete opposite--it was no wonder they had met in such circumstances.

The snowstorm had only lasted a couple of days, the winds eventually decelerating to a pace in which Kaito could no doubt be able to make his trek back home safely, but a part of Len felt empty at the prospect of being left by himself again, and Kaito's unrelenting compassion caused him to sense Len's loneliness almost immediately. He knew he needed the company, on top of the fact that he had realized since leaving the forest that there was no real reason for him to go back. Kaito, in his own somewhat awkward way, asked him if he could live in the cottage with him--to which Len, his chest filled with an alien mixture of excitement and nervousness, had reiterated that he was allowed to stay for as long as he wanted.

Kaito remained unaware of his situation, largely due to the blonde's silence on the matter. He could tell that Kaito had some vague idea that something was wrong, but appreciated all the same that he didn’t try to press him on it. Instead, the man made small advances--helping him get up in the morning, asking if he had already eaten a meal, offering to help him with daily chores--all with the genuine intent of making sure Len was actually taking care of himself rather than neglecting most of his needs the way he had been since his sister’s passing.

The man that had just entered his life couldn't have done so out of pure chance, could he? 

The afternoon Len first heard Kaito singing to the strum of his guitar was when the gears began to turn.

With Kaito's help, he had been trying to get himself back into some semblance of a rhythm of taking care of small, daily tasks. That day, he had been sweeping the floor when his attention averted towards the sound of Kaito playing a song from the other side of the front door. Curiosity took hold of him, and he quietly set the broom down against the wall and approached the door, pressing his ear to the crack to listen.

“ _Although this body is nothing but artificial, I'll put my heart into this song…_ ”

Len could have described Kaito's voice in the same way he could have described Kaito himself: kind and gentle, yet solid and passionate. It really did fit him. The blonde closed his eyes, letting the sound take him wherever it wanted, and felt his body relax. He let out a quiet sigh, and felt a wetness running down his right cheek as he realized how much more Kaito reminded him of his sister than he already did. The song ended, leaving the last strum of the guitar resonating. Len wiped his face with his sleeve, taking a deep breath to compose himself, and softly opened the door. There sat Kaito on the steps, still letting the strings' vibration reverberate for as long as the sound-absorbing snow would allow them to.

"That was a beautiful song, Kaito."

Kaito turned, seeing Len standing at the doorstep, and gave a kind smile as he made room for him to sit down. "Thank you. Did you already finish sweeping today?"

"Uh...no," Len admitted, taking the space next to him. "I heard you singing and...I might have gotten distracted."

Kaito laughed softly. "That's alright. I can help you later if you want."

"...Since when have you been playing guitar?"

"Since my master taught it to me when I was a child."

"Your master...?"

Kaito nodded solemnly, looking out at the whiteness of the world around them as he reflected. "I was alone for most of my childhood, but he took me in and treated me as if I were his own son. He used to be a traveling musician, and we met on one of his trips to a village I came from at the very bottom of the mountain. About eight or nine years ago, we settled in the forest because he was getting too old to travel as much as he used to. That was when he started teaching me guitar."

"Where is he now?"

"He...died of old age just a few months ago. Until we met, I'd been living in the forest by myself."

"Oh...I'm sorry."

Kaito shook his head. "It's alright. We both knew it was going to happen eventually. I'd like to think he tried to prepare me for it." He smiled knowingly at Len. "I suppose I just wasn't careful enough, though. If it weren't for you, I probably would have frozen to death."

"Yeah...I guess so."

The blue-haired man frowned. The sullen tone in Len's quiet voice and the blank look on his face were both telltale indicators that something was on his mind, perhaps something that Kaito himself had reminded him of unintentionally. He breathed in through his nose and tried to put his concern into words. "Listen...I don't know what you're going through right now, and I'm not going to pretend I do, but I know you're unhappy. If you don't want to say anything about it, you don't have to, but...I just want you to know I'm here if you do." 

"I'm...not ready to talk about it,” Len said quietly. “Not yet, at least. I'm sorry."

"That's fine. There's no need to apologize."

The boy lifted his head, attempting a small smile. "Thank you, though. I appreciate that you've been really thoughtful of me this whole time."

“Of course.” Kaito looked down at the strings on the instrument in his hands. “You know, I _could_ teach you to play guitar."

An expression of slight surprise registered on Len's face at the sudden sentiment. "Huh? I-I don't know...do you think I would be any good?"

Kaito smiled. "Well, you have to start somewhere, don't you? I had the same doubts about myself before, but my master told me that all I needed was practice. After he died, playing the songs he taught me gave me comfort. I thought it would help you, too."

Len hummed in thought. "If you _do_ teach me, then...maybe one day, I could teach you to play piano in return."

"I think I'd like that."

* * *

The day Kaito heard Len softly humming to a simple melody he plucked out at random was the same day he learned what had happened before they met.

Len was a fast learner, as Kaito had come to realize--but he supposed picking up a new skill wasn’t hard when the boy was clearly trying to distract himself from whatever intrusive thoughts continued to lead him back to the large oak tree near the forest's entrance every other day or keep him up at ungodly hours every night. That day, Kaito had spent a few hours in the outer forest after realizing that the weather was getting warmer and winter was nearing an end, and had left his guitar in the cottage knowing that it would be safe with Len. He returned expecting the blonde to have been doing something outside or in the main room of the house to keep himself busy, but found after passing his own bedroom that he was in for a surprise.

From the other side of the door, Kaito heard a calm song being strummed, Len's soothing voice humming along to accompany it. He had heard him sing before against the graceful sounds produced by the piano, but it seemed like something wonderfully different beside his guitar. The man exhaled quietly, feeling his entire being getting pulled into the sound as his lashes fluttered closed. One part of him was impressed that Len could compose a song so quickly after learning to play the new instrument, but the other genuinely wondered whether or not he was alright. As Len's tune came to a close, Kaito silently opened the door to find him sitting at the table, his chair facing the window. The boy took a deep breath, then stood from his seat to put the guitar back where his companion had left it, but saw him the moment he turned around.

"Oh...you're back." Len looked down, remembering what was in his hand, and made the connection. "Sorry, maybe I should've asked first..."

Kaito smiled, waving a hand dismissively. "No, don't worry about that. That was a very beautiful song, Len."

"Thank you. How long have you been there...?"

"Not long, don't worry." Kaito stepped into the room, sitting down on the edge of the bed and watched Len as he stood the guitar back against the right corner where the piano met the wall. The blonde didn't look happy, and Kaito knew there was reason to worry about him. Len turned to him, sad aquamarine eyes on an otherwise unreadable face; the blue-haired man gave a small smile, gesturing for him to come sit next to him, and Len obliged. "Are you doing okay?"

"I'm doing...better," the boy responded honestly.

"That's good.” Before the two could sit in silence for another few minutes, however comfortable it might have been, Kaito remembered what he wanted to ask him earlier in the morning. “Are you going to that tree again today?"

Len blinked, realizing _yes,_ _he was,_ and that Kaito had become intimately familiar with his usual schedule. He supposed it was bound to happen sooner or later, but it didn’t feel right that he was letting the man take it completely for granted when he’d been so open about his own personal life before. "Come with me this time," Len requested softly, standing from the bed.

"Hm? Are you sure?"

Len nodded. "There's...something I want you to know about when we get there." His eyes wandered down to his feet in vague shame. "Or, rather...it's something I _should've_ told you a while ago. You told me about what happened to you, so I think it's only fair that I do the same."

Kaito, agreeing to his terms, followed him out of the room and back outside. The sun had nearly begun to lower itself over the horizon, the sky a bright golden hue. As Kaito closed the door behind them, he heard Len take a deep breath. He turned, wanting to ask if everything was okay, but Len noticed the concern on his face and nodded softly. _Don't worry about me._ The boy started to walk forward, and Kaito trailed behind him, the gradually melting snow soft under their feet. Their destination wasn't far, and yet the trek seemed to be much more prolonged than it should have been in between their pensive silence amidst the sound of distant mountain birds singing for the coming of spring. The two finally reached the tree, its looming branches sprouting bright green leaves and pale flower buds, and Kaito carefully watched Len's downcast eyes. "What is it you wanted to tell me?" he asked.

Len looked at him for a moment, a solemn look on his face, and glanced back down. "The reason I come here all the time is because I...lost my twin sister two weeks before I met you. I buried her here."

"Oh...” _There_ it was. _That_ was the context Kaito had been missing this whole time. The lack of motivation to live normally, the sleepless nights, all of it began to make sense. “I'm sorry. What was her name?"

"Rin."

" _Rin..._ " Kaito parroted the name back under his breath in an effort to commit it to memory. Len sat down where he was, and the blue-haired man followed suit, keeping his attention on him so he could continue to listen.

"Sometimes,” the blonde began, “I think she sent you here, just so I wouldn't be lonely. She was always saying I wouldn't be alone even after she was gone. When I saw you lying in the snow that day...I barely knew you back then, but I was still so terrified that _you_ would end up dead, too. You just remind me so much of her, and...I didn't want to make any more mistakes."

Kaito watched the boy as he spoke, the sad, faraway look in his teal eyes not at all going unnoticed. "...You _didn’t_ make any mistakes, Len. It wasn't your fault that she died," he murmured comfortingly, placing a hand on Len's shoulder. "Life is...cruel sometimes. That's all."

A sob escaped Len's throat as the warmth of Kaito’s hand made his heart recall an overwhelming, loving feeling that had been buried deep down alongside his sister. "I miss her," he whispered, reaching up to scrub at his eyes.

"I know."

The two sat in silence, save for Len’s shaky, muted grief, and Kaito’s chest ached out of empathy for him. He, of all people, should have known how difficult it was to deal with such a loss alone, and he wondered if it was a good thing that he’d found Len at the time that he did, or if it would have been better if he’d left the forest sooner. It didn’t matter now, he supposed--the past wasn’t anything he could change, but his motivation to stay by Len’s side had grown stronger with his newfound will to make sure he knew he didn’t have to go through it on his own.

"I'm sure Rin would have loved to hear your song," Kaito offered as Len began to calm down again, giving him a kind smile as the boy’s swollen eyes glanced up at him.

"...Maybe she already did."

* * *

As spring continued to bloom on the mountain, Len found that he had allowed himself enough vulnerability to let Kaito into his bed at night, the blue-haired man's gentle fingers combing through his golden hair as he succumbed to his comforting touch. Early on, the warmth of his contact had reminded Len so much of his kind sister that he would cry into Kaito's chest until he fell sound asleep in his arms, but as days turned into weeks, Kaito noticed that the boy was recovering. Much like the colorful wildflowers that bloomed along the grass as the snow melted away, he began to see a happier side of Len blossom right before his eyes, and he felt his chest swell more and more with pride that the golden-haired boy was starting to make peace with what he'd lost and move on stronger than before.

Summer brought longer days where they had found themselves in their own little world, sharing stories of past summers from their childhoods under the shade of the oak tree's jade green leaves and exploring the outskirts of the forest together. Len had reminded himself to teach Kaito to play piano, starting with simple songs that Rin had made with him before. However confused Kaito was at first, he picked up on it gradually, and soon they were creating their own songs together. A day came when Kaito realized that Len had been acting more embarrassed around him, to which the blonde, red-faced, eventually gave in to his feelings and confessed that he thought he was in love with him. Despite all his fears of being turned down, the sentiment was returned as warmly as the sun's rays at its highest peak.

The leaves on the oak tree began to change into the colors of the sky at sunset, signaling autumn. As they noticed the air outside getting cooler, Kaito agreed to take Len deep into the forest and show him where he had lived before with his master with the plan of staying overnight since his old home was far from the cottage. Amongst the dense woodland tinged in beautiful shades of scarlet and gold, Kaito led him hand-in-hand into a thicket in the heart of the forest where a small cottage stood, its roof covered in dried leaves. Near it stood a small piece of wood dug into the ground, which Kaito explained was to mark where he had buried his master after his death. As they approached it and sat down in front of it, the blue-haired man shared his master's dying wish for him to go out and find something he could devote himself to, admitting that he hadn't left the forest for weeks until he found the courage to after having had to grieve alone--but when Kaito turned and Len met his knowing smile, his heart nearly burst as he realized that Kaito had found what he was looking for.

When winter returned and the leaves began to shrivel up and fall back upon the earth, so did Len.

Kaito had been out that day. He had returned to the cottage at sunset only to find Len collapsed on the wooden floor, his skin burning up when Kaito brought his right dorsal to his forehead. In worry and panic, he quickly scooped Len up into his arms and laid him down onto the bed that he had learned used to be Rin's. With every passing day, Len's body only grew weaker; he would have never guessed that watching Rin wither away slowly in this same bed was a mirror into his own fate. Kaito cursed the distance that the cottage was from any nearby villages--in fact, "nearby" was an overstatement, and there was no way that either of them would be able to make it to any villages unharmed in this cold weather; even if they could, they wouldn't have the money they needed. They had no means of getting a strong enough medicine to cure Len, and they both knew it deep down, but either refused to give up so easily.

Len was the first of them to come to terms with the realization that their efforts were in vain. It had been almost a month, and he was barely hanging from a thread. As loyal and caring as Kaito was, Len knew he would only end up bringing more harm to himself if he didn't accept it before long.

"Kaito," he began one morning before letting the blue-haired man leave the room, "I think you should just stay here for today."

Kaito turned, his cobalt eyes full with concern. "Why? Is something wrong?"

Len smiled wistfully, moisture swelling in his eyes. Kaito swallowed, his mind already putting two and two together against his will. He approached the bed and sat back down onto the stool adjacent to it, helping Len sit up so he could breathe more easily. "I didn't know how to say it before," the golden-haired boy whispered as Kaito gently took his cold hand and kept his gaze on it. "I...I don't think we should keep doing this."

"Len..." The man shook his head grimly. "I can't do that."

"I know," Len murmured. "But...if it's been this long, there's only so much we can do now, right? Besides, I don't want to see you keep hurting yourself because of me..."

"I..." Kaito glanced up again, catching Len's gentle, knowing smile that nothing else could be done and he had already accepted his inevitable fate--and it shattered his heart. "I'm sorry I couldn't save you," he breathed plaintively, his eyes fixed on their entangled fingers once again.

"You _already_ saved me before," Len assured him, giving his hand a gentle squeeze. "You gave me a reason to live. Thank you for that."

Tears spilled over Kaito's cheeks, his emotional strength finally spent and his shoulders trembling with sorrow. Len leaned forward, letting go and wrapping his arms delicately around his neck, and Kaito pulled him to his chest, holding him as if he were a lifeline. He drew a shaky breath, the words in his mind wanting to form on his lips, but they refused. He knew better than to selfishly beg him not to leave his side--he had been selfish before, at his master's own deathbed. He wouldn't make that mistake again.

The words that did leave his lips came out in an honest, nearly desperate whisper. "I don't want to say goodbye to you."

A weak, fond smile crossed Len's visage. “I'm sorry for putting you through this again."

"Please, don't be."

"...Kaito?"

"Yes?"

"If we met again, in some other life...would you still love me then?"

"Of course."

No more words were exchanged in the quiet melancholy of the room, the two continuing to hold each other in a doleful attempt at comfort. Finally, after an unascertained amount of time, Len sighed soundlessly, his body slack and his fleeting warmth still lingering against Kaito, who knew it wouldn't be long until he was cold as ice. The man pulled back unwillingly, gazing down with grief at the peaceful face on the motionless body preciously cradled in his arms.

The room fell silent, save for Kaito's dispiriting heartache.

* * *

The wind howled, signaling an oncoming snowstorm.

Kaito stepped out of the cottage, the golden-haired boy in his arms as cold as the bitter air and the snow that crunched under the soles of his boots, and began his trek back towards the large oak tree. His last couple hours of daylight had been spent preparing another grave at the base of the tree next to the boy's sister. The sky was a hastily darkening shade of blue, already littered with stars despite how early it was--it was as if the universe above him had come out either to keep him company in his mourning, or to simply laugh at his misfortune, and he couldn't decide whether he preferred either interpretation.

This wasn't the first time he'd done this, but perhaps it would be the last.

He approached the barren tree slowly, a part of him not wanting to let go of the boy that had filled the void in his heart just to empty it again once he was gone. Of course, that was no fault of his--fate was just that malevolent. He knelt down in front of the hole he had dug, carefully laying the boy's frigid body down into it and folding his hands over one another. Kaito swallowed, staring down one last time at his serene face and reflecting on the love they shared, then sighed shakily and finally stood to bury him.

Once the last pile of dirt and snow was shoveled, Kaito languidly returned to the cottage--cold and silent without Len's warm presence and beautiful voice to fill it--to retrieve his guitar, and sat at the other side of the tree that faced east, mindlessly strumming a song he had heard Len play once on the piano. He recalled his master's final wish for him to find something--or someone--he could love and devote himself to, but what was he to do now that it was gone? What happened to guardian angels when they had no one left to protect?

Perhaps he would find the answer very soon.

Nature was beautiful--but it was also very, very cruel.

The sun rose quietly the next morning, its warm light revealing the beginnings of white flower buds growing on the branches of the oak tree in the wake of silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *kaito sings "thousand year solo" by yanagi-p but in this context, the lyrics don't have any actual significance. the song he plays at the end is up to interpretation.....  
> *len sings "nameless song" by dateken
> 
> tbh i've lived in a place with no snow for p much my whole life so. you can imagine the difficulty i had writing this
> 
> i know this ended up being like 5000 words which is already Way More than i usually write (and each chapter will either be about the same length or longer depending) but somehow i still feel like i could've paced it out slower or done more world-building or smth,, but we had to start somewhere i guess


	3. carve the end

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wounding you unspeakably, i let go of you while the sun was still in my hands.
> 
> \--len is set to be sacrificed, and kaito uncovers the secrets of the order of the twilight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> insp: surface of sacrifice by hzedge (crystal-p) / erase or zero by hzedge / clear sky engine by nyanyannya / propaganda! by crusher-p / this is the happiness and peace of mind committee by utata-p / divine by dasu
> 
> *the rating has gone up from teen to mature + i've added the graphic violence warning,, both of these changes are just in case,,,  
> *cw: murder-suicide (+ possible suicidal ideation? just bc if that's what it is then i think it's much less vague here than in ch 2)

"I think there's more to the Order than they publicize."

Rin scoffed at Miku's words from across the wooden table, her crossed arms finding their way to its clean surface. " _That_ shouldn't be anything new, though, right? They're a cult running the whole village because the Council was apparently too weak to stay in power. Of course they're hiding something."

Something in Miku caused her to follow suit, resting her clasped hands on the table. "Well, yeah, but...remember that girl whose mother was sacrificed last year?"

"Yeah."

"No one's seen her since then. People say that maybe the Order killed her, or kicked her out of the village for whatever reason..." Miku's hands fidgeted, a nervous habit that had creeped up on her when they were just entering their pre-teen years. "Some people have even said she might have killed _herself_."

“Her name was _Zunko_.”

Rin and Miku turned their gazes toward the familiar cold voice, and saw Len pass through the doorway, setting down two bowls of _soba_ that Kaito had said was for the girls. " _You're_ in a good mood," Rin commented, her tone snide as Len ignored her words and took the floor seat next to her.

"But, Len...what if saying her name puts a curse on us?" Miku asked, her shoulders tensing, and her sky blue eyes filled with what the twins could only assume to be her usual paranoia. "What if it's like those ghost stories the older kids used to tell us?"

"Don't be ridiculous," Len muttered. "They made those up so they could make fun of us when we got scared."

Rin smirked. "Sounds like you're speaking from experience."

" _Your_ experience, maybe."

The blonde girl shot a glare at her brother, and was greeted with a sly grin on his face. "Okay, _now_ you have to stop talking."

"There isn't any proof that any of that actually happened to Zunko, though," Kaito interjected, entering the room and placing the other two bowls on the table, "is there?"

Miku pulled her bowl closer to herself and picked up her chopsticks as Kaito sat next to her. "I-I don't think so…"

"But that's why they're called _'rumors,'_ Kaito," Rin stressed, speaking with her mouth full much to Len's annoyance.

Without even a glance, the blonde boy gently elbowed her in the arm, silently begging for her to stop talking while she still had food in her mouth, and continued her thought for her. "For all we know, she could be completely alive--but there's no proof of _that,_ either."

"It's a mystery, then," Kaito concluded. "Why not just leave it at that?"

Rin quickly swallowed, eager to answer. "It's not fun that way!"

"And coming up with baseless theories for how she _might_ have died _is?"_ Len posed, giving her a doubtful look.

Noticing the familiar agitation between the twins' glares, Kaito and Miku both began convincing them to cool back down and keep eating their food before they could break out into an argument. The rest of their dinner had been relatively quiet, save for a few small exchanges in between.

Kaito, having been the first to finish, mindlessly rested his chin on his right dorsal and looked out the window at the sky. "There's going to be another full moon soon, isn't there...?"

The room fell silent at his words, as if everyone had stopped breathing, the tension between the four suddenly becoming very thick. Miku paled at the implications and shifted uncomfortably in her seat, and the twins across from them hummed quietly in solemn agreement. Kaito's gaze moved back towards the other three, realizing that his simple thought had completely changed everyone's mood, but he knew this wasn't anything they could just brush over with a new subject now. He knew they were afraid--not that he was any different--but they couldn't be blamed for it.

"Is this next one _the_ one?" Len wondered aloud, his aquamarine eyes fixed on the near-empty ceramic bowl in front of him.

Kaito sighed. "...I think so."

"What happens if one of us is next?" the tealette muttered anxiously, her hands restless in her lap.

"I...don't know," Rin replied, her tone unusually honest. "But I hope it's not."

* * *

"I'm sure you already know by now why we summoned you alone," began the woman with flowing, silver locks in front of Len.

He didn’t have to wonder why the three uniformed missionaries in front of him called him to the center of the village square just a couple of nights later. Being called out the night of the midsummer full moon was something everyone dreaded--he knew that fact well. Even so, he couldn’t say he was overcome with dread more than he was just being protected by his own vague fatalism. He'd already figured it was bound to happen someday.

"The Rite of Amaterasu is to commence at dawn two days from today," announced the girl with short green hair.

"This rite is sacred and the sun will only continue to rise if it is done properly," added the man with pink hair.

Within his sixteen years of life, every single one of which he had spent caged within the walls of the village with his older twin sister, a friend she’d made when they were younger who had previously been much less skittish as she was now, and the strangely familiar man who eventually became his romantic partner after Rin gave him her blessing just over two years ago, he’d realized that the Order really didn’t seem to discriminate during whatever decision-making process they had for their ritual.

Just the year before, it had been the middle-aged mother of a girl about his age, Zunko, that had mysteriously disappeared after the fact and rose to infamy through rumors; in other years, it was a young boy missing a right eye who had no one he could trust but his adoptive older brother, or a short-tempered woman that shared his and Rin’s hair color whose best friend frequented the pub in the square and dragged her along, or a man with equal parts black and white hair who was almost completely at the mercy of his energetic younger sister.

And every single person he’d just thought of hadn’t been seen since.

"The Order of the Twilight has chosen you as the offering to Amaterasu,” the woman continued. “If you have any objections, voice them now."

Len had never seen the moment the ritual was carried out. Because of Miku and Rin's relentless gossip, all of what he knew came purely from hearsay. Tales of sacrifices being pushed unsuspectingly from the cliff, being stabbed in the torso and left to helplessly bleed out as missionaries chanted prayers around them, being burned alive as if to mirror the sun itself, and so much more that none of them truly knew what was real and what was exaggerated.

No matter what the truth was, it took every ounce of him not to speak up and possibly push such a horrific end onto someone else, let alone further shorten his own lifespan--however long that would have been regardless.

"I don't," he responded, the words leaving his lips so smoothly, hiding any possible trace of his thoughts.

The silver-haired woman nodded curtly. "Good. You are to meet with us at dawn tomorrow here in the village square. We will begin preparations from there."

"Be mindful, however,” warned the green-haired girl as the others began to take their leave. “If you choose not to arrive, there will be grave consequences."

The three missionaries turned and walked away, the heels of their boots clicking in near synchrony against the stone path in the dimness of the night as the sun’s last light disappeared over the horizon, leaving Len standing alone in the center of the square.

He returned home by himself, his only company being the stars that littered the sky and the nearly full moon that offered him a constant reminder of what fate--if that was even _real_ \--had chosen for him. He slid the door open to see three pairs of eyes, all differing shades of blue and with varying emotion between them, turning and staring back at him from the floor they were sitting on. Although Len wanted to speak, he couldn't find the words. All he could do was close the door behind him, stand in silence, and wonder if words were really necessary.

Rin stood, her aquamarine eyes, which mirrored his own, still locked on him. She wanted to say something, he knew from the way her pink lips parted--but whether she wanted to scream at him or burst into tears was something he couldn't quite read this time. She gave up, exhaling through her nose as she pressed her lips together, and walked out of the room and towards her bedroom.

Miku, whose sky blue orbs had been fixed on her friend, hesitatingly extended a worried hand toward her until the door closed. She looked back up at Len from her seat, an anxious look crossing her visage as her hands began to fidget again. She swallowed, picking herself up onto her feet, and broke eye contact with him as she followed the other blonde into her room.

Only Kaito remained. He and Len exchanged gazes, and the younger boy saw a war in his cobalt eyes. It was something he'd never seen before in all the time that they'd known each other. The man stood, and Len watched him intently as he came closer. Unconsciously, he swallowed, knowing he had to say something. "Kaito," he croaked out quietly, continuing to look up at him.

"Len," Kaito breathed in response, his low voice laced with unease that let Len know that this wasn't a conversation _he_ wanted to have, either.

The blonde broke his pensive gaze, looking down at the string of round lavender beads around the man's neck, partially hidden by his viridian green scarf, then moving down to the sepia _tatami_ flooring underneath their feet. “Just stay safe," he pleaded quietly, giving up trying to find the words he actually wanted to say. "All of you. I don’t know if any of those rumors about Zunko are true, but…"

Kaito grasped Len’s hand with both of his own, effectively silencing him. “Len. Don’t worry about us. We should be the ones worrying about you.”

Len shook his head and pulled his hand away, reaching up with both to bury his face into his palms as he let out a sigh. “Please don’t do what I think you’re going to do,” he whispered.

“What are you talking about?”

“Don’t try to save me.”

Kaito paused. “I can't just...”

“I’m serious." The blonde lowered his arms, gazing back up at Kaito's stunned expression, unsmiling. "I know you're gonna try, and I'm telling you _not_ to. Don’t try to do _anything_ about tomorrow. _I’m_ doing this because I don’t _want_ anyone else’s life to be thrown away for some stupid ritual.”

Blue eyebrows knitted together in vexation. "And you think playing martyr and throwing your own life away is going to make it any better?"

"No, I _don't,_ ” Len shot back. “But it's better than losing you."

"Len..."

The two stood in silence, their solemn gazes connecting as if they were searching for something within one another. Len’s cold disposition faltered, his lips parting to say something else, but instead found himself out of breath and let out a sigh. His aquamarine eyes fell, not wanting to meet the pair of cobalt orbs in front of him any longer, and Kaito stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Len’s torso. Len gave in and returned the gesture, resting his head on the man's shoulder, the tension of the room slowly dying down as a feeling of solace spread throughout their bodies at each others' touch.

Eventually, Len lifted his hand and mindlessly traced a pattern through the fabric of Kaito’s tank top, a design that had been etched on the latter’s back since birth that Len had committed to memory long ago. It had started as pure curiosity and evolved into a source of comfort just for the two of them after all the sleepless nights that brought them into each other’s beds, the fear of being alone in the world they'd grown up in finally catching up to them. Kaito sighed at his touch, the pounding in his chest relaxing. Len was the only person who had this much trust from him--even when they’d first met, they had found something familiar about each other and got along quickly--and was consequently the only one he would’ve ever allowed to make this kind of contact with him; had it been anyone else, Kaito would have immediately pulled back in discomfort, but right now, he was safe.

"We still don't know what your birthmark means,” Len murmured out of the blue. “For all we know, they could be targeting you in some way. I don't want them to get their hands on you in case it's...something dangerous."

"Don't worry about that. I doubt it has anything to do with them. I'll be okay." Kaito pulled back to look at him, and Len's hand returned to his side. "But aren't you scared?"

Len scoffed through his nose. "Of course I'm scared. I'm marching to my own death. But...I'd rather not throw anyone else to those wolves."

The blue-haired man sighed, his dejection evident. "I wish we could just live in peace," he whispered, the draining effect of their controlled lifestyles finally catching up to his consciousness and crashing down on him as he pressed his forehead against Len's shoulder.

"We've _never_ lived in peace," Len said, a hint of bitterness in his voice. "Our whole lives, we've been surrounded by nothing but fear." As if it were routine, Len found himself weaving his fingers in between Kaito's and burying his other hand into strands of hair the color of the ocean. "Miku's not the only one losing her patience or her sanity, you know," he muttered thoughtlessly, staring out at nothing in front of him. " _I_ want it to end, too."

"...Who doesn't?"

Len let out an empty chuckle. "I don't think I have to spell the answer out for you."

* * *

The world was still dark when Len opened his eyes the next morning, the pale light of the full moon shining onto the village and reminding him of what he had to do. He turned and saw Kaito asleep at his side, recalling that they'd agreed to sleep in the same room one more time, knowing fully that it was going to be their last night together. The blonde sighed through his nose, tucking his sleeping partner's azure locks gently behind his ear as he murmured apologies that he had been too much of a coward to voice while they were both awake. Finally, he found his resolve, and planted a soft kiss against his forehead before standing from the bed to get dressed.

He haphazardly threw some clothes on and left his bedroom, sliding the door softly behind him. He moved cautiously, not wanting to wake anyone unnecessarily, and found himself passing by the door to Rin's room. His feet stopped as he remembered walking in with Kaito the night before, Rin sitting on her bed with her back facing away from the door, and Miku trying her best to give her comfort until the two turned upon hearing the door slide open. Kaito had stayed at the doorway as Len stepped forward and sat down with his sister; before he could speak anything past her name, she turned and threw her arms around him, muted, anguished sobs escaping her throat as her brother held her. It was an attempt at solace that he knew would be futile. Miku stood carefully after being given a signal from Kaito, and the two left the twins alone in the room.

Len reached out to take hold of the door's handle, but stopped himself with a quiet sigh and continued to the front door. He had to hurry before the sun came up. She'd understand--she'd _have_ to, eventually, and that's what made their situation so cruel.

He left the _minka_ and made haste to the village square. No one else was outside of their homes, and he knew it was out of complete and unadulterated fear; no one dared to be seen by a missionary of the Order on the night of a midsummer full moon, lest they be speared where they stood--but Len had to honestly wonder if their fears of suddenly being murdered despite not having any involvement were reasonable. The sound of his sandals dragging against the stone path was loud in the silence of the night, but he found himself unwilling to move quieter--perhaps it was out of some selfishness that he couldn't quite comprehend. When he turned the corner into the village square, there stood the same three missionaries in the very center, waiting for him quietly. The woman with silver hair greeted him in her same dark tone as he came forward, and the other two stayed silent.

The blonde was caught off guard, and a blindfold was pulled over his eyes by an unknown pair of hands, plunging him into a darkness where no light would ever find him again.

There was minimal protest from him--even vague fatalism, he discovered, did wonders to quell whatever thoughts would have normally caused him apprehension--as he was led away from the square. He didn't know _where_ he was being led, but it didn't seem to bother him as much as it probably should have. It didn't matter, he supposed; the three people he cared about the most in this disarrayed world they'd been forcibly born into were sound asleep, safe for now, if not for long, and that was all that mattered to him.

Eventually, there was a stop, but the blindfold remained despite his expectation of having it ripped from his head. What _had_ been taken from him were his sandals and nothing more for reasons he was unfamiliar with, but he found himself without the energy or the will to even ponder it. A light fabric enveloped him--most likely the black robes that the sacrifice had to wear each year--a hood covered his head, and his wrists were locked in cold cuffs that were audibly connected to some metal chain.

Len didn't know how much time had passed, but he'd suddenly begun to overhear unknown voices announcing the rising of the sun, as well as scattered mentions of their muse. Missionaries were sent to gather all the people of the village into the square, and Len could only stay silently in worry about his companions' safety. There was no point in demanding anything from them, anyway; he knew it would be nothing but a fruitless endeavor. Eventually, the chain rattled, and he was pulled forward once again.

As the blonde followed, he felt the soft heat of the early morning sun radiating onto his face and warming the rest of his body through the dark fabric of the robes--but the cloth over his eyes continued to drown him in darkness regardless of how clear the sky must have been. He kept his head down, hearing nothing but the soft murmurs of the crowd and the near-synchronized clicks of the boots of the people leading him to oblivion. He knew what this was--he was being shown off as the new offering to Amaterasu.

His mind was once again left to wander as he followed the silent orders given to him.

Was Rin in the crowd somewhere, watching him intently with every step he took?

Miku, hands fidgeting, looking away with the hope that she wouldn’t let her paranoia consume her in the moment?

Kaito, staying right where he was, heeding Len's wishes, albeit unwillingly?

" _Stop!_ "

Len lifted his head toward the sudden shout, a few yards away from him, and listened as the clicks halted out of sync as his own feet were interrupted. The crowd’s murmurs increased in volume out of shock. He didn't know what was going on, but it seemed that everyone around him was just as confused as he was.

"What is the meaning of this?" The stern voice of the silver-haired woman.

"Let him go. Please."

 _Kaito?_ Didn’t Len tell him to stay out of this? What was he _doing?_

"You are interfering." The cold voice of the green-haired girl.

"If we let this boy go, there is no offering for Amaterasu. You will be the reason she damns our land in darkness." The irritated voice of the pink-haired man.

"Then offer me instead."

The missionaries fell quiet, supposedly to deliberate the man's words, as the crowd's murmurs only grew louder. Len felt his heart race. Kaito hadn't listened to him-- _of course_ he hadn't. Was love really _this_ blinding? Where were Rin and Miku, and why didn’t they stop him? Had this ever _happened_ before?

No more words reached Len's ears, but he remained vigilant. There was only the clicking of boots coming from either side of him, and the metallic rattling of the chain as his wrists were freed--and everything clicked in his mind. The blonde reached out, finally raising his voice to call out to Kaito in protest, but no response came. Arms took hold of him, ushering him back, faceless voices ordering him not to take another step. They tugged at his arms and forced him to turn around, and they began to trudge in the other direction.

Len’s legs moved, unsynced with whoever was pulling him forward, not knowing where he was being led to, or what was even going _on_ anymore. The voices of the crowd grew farther and farther until all he could hear were the sounds of two pairs of boots and his own bare feet hastily treading across a stone path. There was a sudden stop, nearly causing him to lose his footing, and he had no gauge of how far they'd taken him. Before he could say anything in protest, his hood was pulled off his head, his robes stripped from him and leaving him in his shorts and tank top, and the blindfold yanked off, the harsh light of the continually towering sun entering his eyes too suddenly and blinding him in white instead of black. With his guard down, he was unsuspectingly shoved onto the cold ground, landing on his side while his arms were still unable to react fast enough.

“ _Hey!!_ ”

Len quickly turned his head, seeing Rin and Miku running in his direction. Rin stood firmly in front of him, shouting obscenities at the unhurriedly retreating uniformed men that they weren’t allowed to treat her brother in the way that they just had. He barely registered Miku kneeling at his side, panicked, asking him if he was okay and looking him over for any wounds. Rin, realizing with an angered huff that her protests were falling on deaf ears, turned and took up Len’s other side, worriedly trying to get his attention after noticing the lost look in his eyes.

Len felt dizzy, his brain refusing to acknowledge his surroundings any further. His head pounded painfully as his lungs demanded more oxygen, putting him in nearly mind-numbing pain as he desperately tried to make sense of what had just happened.

Kaito had taken his place. They were going to kill him.

The world he thought he knew blurred and forced him back down into the dark unknown, the girls' distressed cries no longer reaching him.

* * *

Kaito's eyes had remained closed the whole time, his body refusing to open them immediately out of fatigue, but he'd still felt Len's gentle fingers against his hair, his quiet apologies just barely reaching his ears before he felt the smaller boy retract his hand and get up, leaving his side for the final time. He wasn’t sure when he’d fallen back asleep, but he found himself woken up again to Rin shaking him awake, Miku at her side, telling him to hurry up and get dressed because people were starting to get called out of their homes for the beginning of the ritual--and the situation suddenly clicked.

Mindlessly, he did as he was told, and the three decided to leave before anyone could knock on their door and force them out. Kaito attempted to repress his feelings of regret--regret that he couldn’t do anything to keep Len safe--but he knew from Rin and Miku’s expressions that they felt the same, and that there was no sense in hiding it when they all knew it didn't matter to anyone else in the first place. He thought back to the previous years, all the people who had lost someone special to them because the Order’s power outweighed theirs, and wondered if they'd all had the same sense of self-reproach.

He couldn’t remember anything in between leaving their _minka_ and arriving at the village square. They had situated themselves at the very back of their side of the crowd, part of them not wanting to watch at all. Rin watched intently, searching for her brother, while Miku kept her head down, averting her eyes out of the fear that she'd somehow catch the attention of someone unwelcome by staring. Kaito stood in silence, wanting to heed Len’s wishes, no matter how unwilling he was.

“ _There,_ ” Rin whispered suddenly, and Kaito lifted his gaze to where she was pointing, while Miku stayed as she was. They watched as a group of missionaries, led by an unsmiling middle-aged woman with flowing, silver hair, marched down the cleared path, a young blonde boy in black robes and a blindfold being led by a chain.

_Len._

Something snapped in Kaito, and he knew he couldn't let this go on.

His legs moved hastily, and he began pushing through the crowd. Rin, keeping her voice down as much as she could, called out to him to try to stop him, but he ignored her cry and continued on. Eventually, he was in the middle of the path, intercepting the missionaries' route, and quickly becoming the center of everyone's attention. He raised his voice suddenly, and the clicks of their boots ceased.

Three missionaries openly voiced their protests, and Kaito prompted them to take him instead of the boy whose wrists they'd already trapped in cuffs. The murmurs around them began to grow. The woman with long silver locks glanced over at the two men at Len's sides, one with long lilac hair in a single ponytail down his back and another with short buttercream blonde hair, waving an ordering hand at them as they moved to release him.

" _Kaito!!_ "

His cobalt blue eyes settled on the robed blonde boy, his freed hand desperately reaching for him in vain as he was ushered back. If he hadn't been blindfolded right now, Kaito wondered, would he have looked as scared as he sounded? His heart ached as he stared at him in silence, every ounce of him fighting the urge to approach him for fear of putting his life in further danger.

 _I'm sorry,_ he thought, _for breaking my promise._

The uniformed men turned Len's body to face the other way, and led him out of the village square. Seeing their forceful movements, Kaito couldn't help but extend a protesting hand toward them. Someone blocked him from coming forward, and suddenly, his vision was taken from him.

From there, things started to become unclear. The crowd's shocked murmurs died down again as his wrists were cuffed and the robes enveloped his body, and it was all he could do to stand and wait for direction until the pull of a chain ushered him forward. They'd continued on their route for what felt like hours, and there were a few stops before he felt his wrists being freed, the robes being taken off him, and the blindfold being lifted from his head. For a moment, he could barely see with the sudden influx of light traveling into his irises, and the two missionaries next to him seemed to take advantage of it.

They began to strip him of his clothes and removed the lavender beads from around his neck--something Rin had made for him about two years before, a village tradition that was a way of saying she trusted him not to break her brother's heart, but he supposed that was one more promise broken. He vaguely recalled being asked by a deep voice about the mark on his back, to which he answered honestly that it was nothing more than a birthmark; the lilac-haired man eyed him suspiciously at his answer, but the subject was dropped. They returned the robes to his body, pulling the hood over his head, and left him in the chamber, locking the door behind them.

The only instructions given to him were to sit there and wait for the inevitable.

The chamber was cold and quiet, the faintest chirps of wrens coming from the outside of the building and filling the silence. Hours passed without food, but Kaito was too preoccupied with his own thoughts to realize he was hungry at all. Eventually, the sun set for what was presumably the last time until the ritual, the full moon's mocking pale glow through the bar-shaped windows being the only source of light left in the room.

The lone thing that had been left in the chamber with him from the beginning was a chipped glass jug, half-emptied of water. Kaito found himself focusing on it, silently watching the liquid dry up as his thoughts distracted him and kept his throat from showing signs of thirst.

If he had been chosen as the sacrifice in the first place, would Len have tried to save him? What if he was trying to save him even _now?_

The thought twisted something fiercely inside him. It was a selfish thought, he knew, and the yearning he felt in his chest told him he'd tricked his heart into believing it. Giving it a second thought let him know it was a lie, wishful thinking at best, and his hope turned into nothing but deep betrayal, a hurt that he'd inflicted onto himself.

Wasn't the whole point of this to keep Len safe--to let him live? _Why,_ then, did Kaito suddenly feel so apprehensive?

Just sitting in this chamber, waiting for his inevitable end, continued to make him feel afraid, but he refused to consider himself to be some damsel in distress. He knew what he did, he _knew_ this was pure self-immolation, and yet, he was terrified. There was no god for him to pray to--certainly not Amaterasu, if _this_ was how she allowed her followers to worship her--for some miracle to happen, that his life might be spared, _anything_ so he could continue living with the person he loved in what little peace they had in this disarrayed world they'd been born into.

Softly, he laid himself down on the cold floor, no longer oblivious to his quivering breaths as he tried to calm down. His thoughts, no matter what he did, returned to Len--his desperate hand outstretched, his boyish voice ripping through him in a way that Kaito had never heard it before, _the feeling of his gentle fingertips as he traced far too familiar shapes against his back_ \--

It was overwhelming.

Tears formed in his cobalt eyes--whether they were caused by sadness or loneliness or stress was something he didn’t know anymore--and he swallowed, acutely aware of the dryness of his throat but not bothering to touch the jug that had been left with him. He sighed shakily, the only time he’d heard even a remnant of his own voice in what felt like days, and closed his eyes, drops of water silently running down the right side of his face.

There was no escape for him.

* * *

Kaito had completely lost track of time. Whether it had been hours or days or even just mere minutes, he wasn't really sure how much it mattered anymore.

He hadn't slept, but his eyelids opened again to the sound of the door creaking open. He sat himself up as his eyes adjusted to the new brightness, and saw a girl at the doorway, younger than him but not by much, long, dark green hair lying in a braid on her left shoulder. She donned a white dress with navy blue embroidery lining the hem of her skirt, and a black hooded cloak that reached her hips, the Order’s insignia--a hollow, four-pointed star housing the sun and its long rays in its center, making it look as if it were a blooming flower--proudly adorned on it.

"Who...are you?" Kaito asked tentatively.

“Zunko,” the girl answered after a pause, her soft voice as cold as the floor he sat on. “But don't tell anyone I told you my name. Whatever happens in this room and the one I’m about to take you to will be between us.”

Upon hearing her name, something clicked in his conscience, making him realize that this was the girl that Rin and Miku had been gossiping about the other day--but another question weighed on his mind. "Did Len...?"

“Len never came here,” Zunko revealed before he could even find the rest of his sentence. “Since he’s not the offering anymore, this is an... _extra step_ that he didn’t get to experience because of what you did.” Before Kaito could respond, she began to walk toward him. "But we have to move quickly--dawn is coming very soon."

The girl took his hand and pulled him to his feet, and Kaito immediately noticed how much less forceful she was compared to the other missionaries he had come into contact with so far. Her golden eyes, glowing under the pale moonlight coming through the windows, seemed softer--nothing like the serious stares that seemed as if they could see right into his soul--but her face still remained generally blank, and he couldn’t quite make up his mind on whether she was someone to be trusted or not. Seeing himself without a choice, he quietly allowed her to lead him out of the chamber and into the narrow halls that were just as dark, save for the occasional dimness of a lantern hanging from the ceiling. No words were exchanged between the two, leaving no sounds but his bare feet softly slapping against the sandstone floor mixed with the slow beat of her brown flats.

She turned a corner and opened a door about the same size as the one they’d come out of, revealing a smaller room with a shallow, square-shaped pool that Kaito estimated to be about the same width as his own wingspan. Bar-shaped windows lined the left and right walls, but the back wall’s window sported a design similar to that of a diagonal crosshairs, and was situated in a way that it would catch the sun or the moon in its center when either begun to rise. Zunko locked the door behind them and wasted no time, ordering him to take the robes off and step into the pool. The blue-haired man did as he was told, wrapping a white cloth around his waist, and sat on his knees in the pool, the clear water reaching just halfway up his back. Zunko hung the robes against a hook on the wall, and sat down behind him on the edge of the bath, gathering the water into her cupped hands and spilling it over his head and shoulders in what she’d elaborated to be some sort of pre-ritual cleansing that the Order’s higher-ups had assigned her to administer.

“...You’re Zunko, huh?” Kaito mumbled out of nowhere.

The girl behind him hummed in monotone affirmation. “I assume you only know about me through hearsay, though. Does everyone think I’m dead?”

“Well,” Kaito breathed, “I suppose you could put it like that. By the way...”

“Hm?”

“They’re...not going to find Len and kill him, are they?” Kaito asked hesitantly, part of him not really wanting to know the answer in fear of the worst.

“If the goal was murder, they would’ve done it at dawn yesterday,” she answered bluntly. “But he's useless to them now, so they have no reason to deal with him anymore...unless he ends up getting chosen again some other year.”

The blue-haired man hummed uneasily in response. That wasn’t anything he wanted to hear, but he could tell Zunko already knew that.

“The truth is,” the girl continued, “the Order doesn’t kill as senselessly as people think. They only target people who will leave someone orphaned or alone, or at least someone that will be vulnerable enough for them to be easily coerced. They sugarcoat themselves in a way that makes it feel like they can help that person find a new purpose in life, but all they’re really doing is recruiting and making their power over the village grow.”

“Then why would they let _me,_ of all people, replace their target? I’m not leaving anyone like that.”

“Are you sure?”

Suddenly, Kaito felt her golden eyes staring into his soul, as if she knew every single one of his turbulent thoughts. He swallowed, desperately trying to find his tongue again in the midst of his obvious anxiety. “Len’s strong, if that’s who you’re thinking of. I know he is.”

“Well, even if he is...you’re still a special case.” Zunko gently traced her index finger along Kaito’s wet back--the familiar shapes of two, one, and seven on the tip of her finger--the unexpected contact causing him to shiver in surprise. “These markings on your back...this can’t just be a birthmark, can it? It looks too intricate. Did they put this on you?”

"No," Kaito murmured, "I was born with it."

Zunko paused and the blue-haired man suddenly felt a shot of dread rush up his spine, wondering if he'd just made a grave mistake revealing that. “When...were you born?” she asked.

“S...seventeen years ago,” Kaito answered carefully, unsure of where she was trying to steer the conversation. “If it’s important, apparently I was the last person born before the Village Council was overthrown.”

“...It _is_ you,” she whispered. “It _has_ to be.”

“What are you talking about?”

"There’s...something of a _myth_ that goes around here," she began as Kaito turned around to see her downcast eyes. "I don’t think it’s anything that leaves the circle, because I only heard of it after the Order took me in...and I don’t think anyone here actually believes in it. Something about a person whose birth signaled the Order’s time to strike, and whose death, caused out of their own selfishness, will signal the revolution against them."

"Selfishness, huh…?" Kaito repeated back.

"A selfish love is still selfish, I suppose," Zunko thought out loud. "But you fit the description perfectly--you were born right before the Order took over, and here you are, about to be sacrificed for their gain because you refused to let them take Len. You were the beginning, and you’ll be the beginning of the end."

The man lowered his head. "But...what if I'm not who you're referring to?"

"If not you, then who is it?" she posed. "If this is just a coincidence, then...that would be cruel."

Kaito paused, quietly mulling over her words. Something seemed off about her compared to earlier--why, all of a sudden, had she perked up at the circumstances of his birth, even if just a little bit compared to when he'd first seen her earlier? “...You said the Order recruits people by assuring them that they can help them find a purpose to their lives, right?”

“What about it?”

“Have they helped you do that?”

“I...” Zunko’s tentative lips parted, trying to find the right words to convey what she wanted. “I...can’t say they have. Ever since they took me in, I’ve been...lost, for lack of a better word."

Kaito swallowed, certain that he was on the right track, but his destination was still unclear. "Why do you say that?"

"They do such terrible things to the new recruits when everyone has their backs turned," she admitted quietly, as if it were a forbidden thing to speak of. "Things that...you might equate to torture. They refer to it as a sort of rite of passage as one of Amaterasu's new servants, but...”

Kaito sighed through his nose as she trailed off, a pit forming nervously in his stomach as he listened. He reached a hesitant hand towards her shoulder in an effort to soothe her, but immediately retracted his arm at the sight of her body flinching--and that was all the evidence he needed to know what had been done to her under the surface.

Zunko’s shoulders slowly relaxed again as she forced herself to realize that he had no bad intentions. Seeing the concern in his cobalt orbs, she averted her eyes away from him. “Don't bother trying to comfort me,” she murmured. “I'm too far gone.”

“Are you?” he began gently. “I don't think you'd be baring your soul this much to me if you were.”

The girl huffed softly, directing him with her hand on his shoulder to turn him back around. "Really...aren't _you_ supposed to be worrying about your own life right now?"

"Maybe, but...if everything you told me about the Order is true, then I imagine what you've been through since the last time anyone saw you must be much worse than this." At the girl's silence, Kaito spoke up again, realizing he had become more unafraid around her. "But if you know all this, then why aren't you trying to escape?"

Zunko gave a small, sad smile behind him, taking the black strip of thick cloth out of a pocket inside her cloak to unfold it and pull it back over Kaito's eyes. "If only escape were that easy."

“...What if it is?” Kaito muttered without thinking.

“What?”

“What if the Order’s been helping people escape this whole time?”

The girl paused. What in the world was he _talking_ about? “...Explain yourself.”

The blue-haired man laughed--a soft chuckle that spilled from his lips, laced with something akin to sadness or nervousness or despair that Zunko couldn’t quite pinpoint. “Believe me, this isn’t really anything I’ve ever thought about before. But...isn’t _death_ a form of escape? I know it’s not the best way out, since no one knows for sure where we’ll be afterwards, but...”

Zunko fell silent as he trailed off, a stinging sensation in her eyes that she barely even recognized. “It’s not worth your time to be saying things like that,” she said quietly, shoving her arm against her closed eyelids. “It makes you sound like you’ve given up completely.”

“Sorry,” he whispered, realizing but not willing to admit to himself that she might have been entirely right.

She stood, composing herself again and taking Kaito's right hand to get him on his feet. "In any case, we should go. You have a ritual to sacrifice yourself for, and they'll get mad at me if we stay here any longer."

Kaito followed the girl, then stopped at her silent signal to let her pull the robes back onto him. "...Zunko?"

"Hm?"

"It’s selfish, but...can I ask you one more thing before we leave this room?"

* * *

Memories were hazy for Len even after he’d regained consciousness.

By the time he'd woken up again, he was at home in his bed, a wet cloth over his forehead. It was Miku sitting at his side--he could tell from her alarm when she realized he was waking again; had it been his sister, she wouldn't have wasted any time bringing him back up to speed even in his disoriented state--and telling him that he'd been out cold for nearly two hours, and she and Rin had been shifting between each other to watch him. Rin entered the room upon Miku calling her back inside, and she looked at Len as if she already knew the question on his mind--and she'd decided not to sugarcoat it when she reminded him that Kaito was going to be sacrificed instead of him.

Despite being physically awake for the rest of the day, there was a gap in his memory from then until later that night, when he made his decision to watch the ritual. There wasn't a point to this being a mystery anymore, not when he knew that it was supposed to happen to him in the first place and not to the last person in this deranged world that deserved it. It was _his_ fault that Kaito was in this situation now; of all the times he couldn't be there to protect him, it _had_ to be now. Maybe when the chains were dropped from his wrists, he could have ripped the blindfold off himself instead of having it ripped from him, he could have run over and convinced him to go back, he could have stopped him and let things go as they were supposed to--but if fate actually _did_ exist, and if _this_ was their fate, then he had no words for how sadistic it was.

He woke up again the next morning, not knowing when he'd fallen asleep or how, considering how rampant and relentless his thoughts were just hours ago. The sky outside sported shades of dark blue and pink and purple, light orange hues faintly beginning to peek through. His brain awoke suddenly, and he rushed into some clothes and made his way out of the _minka_ without even a thought of speaking to the girls.

He sprinted towards the east wing of the village, where the ritual was to be held on top of a cliff. As he got closer, more and more people came into view, though it unsurprisingly seemed as if only half the population had decided to come at all. There, on the cliff in the distance, stood three missionaries in their white uniforms and a man in black robes.

That was supposed to be _him_. Not Kaito.

He'd never in his life seen the moment the ritual was carried out; because of Miku and Rin, all they were to him until now were stories and rumors and older people around him wondering what the point was if the sun was going to come up no matter what--and so much more that no one truly knew what was real and what was exaggerated. But he was _here_ now, and a gradual feeling of powerlessness creeped up on him as he realized there wasn't anything he could do about it but watch his lover's end.

He stepped closer, eyes helplessly fixed on the scene, until he felt someone bump into him. He glanced to his right and saw a girl with long green hair in a braid, wearing a white dress with blue embroidery, and a hooded brown cloak, who promptly grabbed his wrist without even turning her head to him and began to lead him away from the crowd. He protested, trying to get her attention in words and pulling his wrist back, but her grip was like iron, and there was no use in fighting it. He felt the eyes of the crowd on them, watching soundlessly as he was separated from them, but quickly recognized that no one was willing to intervene.

She brought him into an empty corridor, and Len finally found an opening for him to yank his arm back out of her grasp. "What the _hell's_ your deal?" he demanded.

"I should be asking _you_ that," the girl shot back coldly, turning around to him and sending the dark green braid on her shoulder down her back, and allowing Len a view of her piercing golden eyes and the unmistakable insignia of the Order on the front of her cloak. "What kind of twisted pleasure do you get out of watching a loved one die?"

The blonde's lips parted in surprise. "How did you..."

The girl's brow furrowed in vague disappointment, ignoring the questioning look on his face. "I didn't think I would actually find you here, but I guess you're more heartless than I thought. But that doesn't matter now. If the Order finds you, you'll just end up being one of their pawns, and this cycle will continue."

"Aren't _you_ with them? Why are you telling me this? Who the hell _are_ you, anyway, and what do you want with me?"

The girl hesitated, but before Len could speak again, she answered. "Zunko."

Len didn't have to wonder why her name sounded familiar--he recognized it right as she said it. This was _her,_ the girl whose whereabouts the entire village had pondered about for the last year. "...So you _are_ alive after all."

Paying no mind to his remark, Zunko continued on answering him. "Kaito requested something of me before we left the chambers." She reached into her cloak, pulling a sharp, shiny dagger from its pocket. "Think of this as mercy--the Order never gets their hands on you alive, and you get to see Kaito again, if you believe in an afterlife."

Len felt himself step back in unsettlement and shock, a sudden sense of danger racing through his entire body. He had already put two and two together the moment he saw the glint of the dagger's blade in the light of the early morning sun, but he still refused to believe Kaito had anything to do with it. "Is this really...what he wanted?"

"He asked me to save you, and this is the only way I know how."

" _Save_ me?" he repeated, disbelief evident in his voice. "He already _did_ that, didn't he?"

"If he did, then I guess he's not done." She stepped forward slowly, and Len backed up until he hit a wall that he'd forgotten was behind him. "I used to think escape was impossible, but I realized something after I spoke to him--that maybe it isn't so difficult after all. After all, hasn't the Order been helping people escape for years? We've just been blind to it this whole time."

"You're _insane,_ " the boy hissed, his low voice delicately adorned with resignation that only Zunko's ears picked up.

"You'd be surprised to know that Kaito was the one that brought it up first," she murmured.

Before Len could react, he felt a sharp pain in his abdomen, eliciting a choked, agitated cry from the back of his throat. The blade sunk deeper, tearing into him, and suddenly left him as Zunko pulled her arms back without warning, her honey-colored eyes fixed on his own aquamarine. Labored breaths left his lips as his back slumped down against the stone brick wall and left him helpless on the ground. Crimson liquid spilled freely from his wound, pooling under him on the stone as his body trembled, the pungent scent of iron permeating his weakening sense of smell. The girl, her hands and sleeves tainted in fresh blood, crouched at his side, put the dagger down carefully at her feet, and dipped her index finger into the growing red puddle, drawing something on the beige wall behind him that he no longer had the energy to move his head towards.

"I’m not just doing this for you and Kaito," the girl finally said quietly, her voice clear of malice, taking the stained dagger back into her dirtied hands and rising again to look over her handiwork.

The blonde coughed, warm blood trickling from his lips, his lungs burning in his chest, but he still forced himself to speak. “Then...what…?”

“If people _are_ actually perturbed enough about living lives that have been controlled by fear for the last seventeen years, and if there really _is_ a goddess like Amaterasu who's willing to act for all the lives that have been stolen and ruined for her sake," Zunko began, turning the blade against herself, "then we’ll start the revolution for them.”

Len’s sight failed him, blurring the world he once thought he knew and plunging him into eternal darkness, completely putting him at the mercy of the girl’s final words before the muted sound of metal joining flesh once again met his ears.

“And if the Order is smart enough, they'll realize what they've just done--and that they’re _nothing_ without the approval of the goddess they unjustly claimed as their own.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *mentioned in this chapter in case you may have missed it: oliver, yohioloid, neru, haku, longya, ling, gakupo, yuu
> 
> i could NOT write this fic without doing something with some aspect of the erase or zero lore.......
> 
> btw miriam's my favorite engloid/zero-gloid and i hate that i'm doing her dirty like this for my first time writing her into a fic but...i can guarantee you she's coming back in a later chapter and she won't be a terrible person,,
> 
> also in case you didn't know yet, school started again for me in the middle of editing this chapter and that means i may not be updating this fic for a longer while (the original plan was to update monthly but idk about that now lol especially considering that ch 4 was the most underplanned chapter from the start); if i post anything at all in the next month or so they'll most likely be short drabbles/ficlets unless i completely put my focus into writing the next chapter of this,, and tbh both of those things have p equal odds lol


	4. a castle of sand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> trampling over declarations of love, even gods would break.
> 
> \--kaito and len engage in a forbidden relationship despite the expectations laid out for them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> insp: lost destination by 150p / brilliant diamond by the pantans (gensou airly) / soul without destination by maya / last song by studiopaprika / honey moon un deux trois by dateken / nazokake by hinata haruhana / cendrillon by signal-p / cantarella by kurousa-p / kitsunebana by veran / king by kanaria
> 
> *tagged the utau fandom bc teto's actually here now and perhaps i'll end up mentioning more utaus in late chapters  
> *from here on out there will be more povs from surrounding characters/more romantic bg relationships...enjoy the blatant gakukiyo (+bg rinkase/pikoiro/wilsora/gumiku) in this one lmao
> 
> this one stems from a victorian/medieval era-based au i made over 2 years ago (at some point before i made the initial list of different lives len and kaito go through, which was originally 9 but i put it down to 7 for this fic) so ig this has been in the works for a while + [this fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24120574) was also a part of the early development of this au's plot and i did change a few things since then
> 
> i am about to namedrop so many damn vocaloids in this one it’s not even funny how many more there are in this chapter compared to all the others
> 
> cw: mentions of homophobia/lgbtq+ erasure, mentions of war/murder, mass murder

Even if the evidence of a secret romance that blossomed between a knight of the royal guard and the crown prince was brushed over by biased historians and lost to time, the stars that watched over them on all those nights they spent in each other’s company in the castle gardens knew their truth. Just past the red rose bushes sat the blonde knight, the blue-haired prince’s head relaxed in his lap as he ran his fingers gently through the older boy’s soft locks. Quiet nights like these, with nothing but the slow chirps of crickets and the feel of the soft grass under them as they kept each other company, were nothing less than perfect--but perfection had its price.

Kaito, having been the king and queen’s first-born son, was heir to the throne, and that was all they'd treated him as since his first day on this earth: nothing but the next in line to wear the crown and take over the kingdom when they were dead. His four younger siblings, in turn, existed solely for future marriage to spread the kingdom’s power across other lands. Miriam, the court physician, was the first to act once it was obvious they paid him no mind; if anything, she was more of a mother to him than anyone. One of the king’s royal advisors and a servant had both taken the king’s place as his father figures, and if not for any of them, Kaito thought he would have been in a much more miserable position now.

Len, on the other hand, had not been born within the castle walls--in fact, he had no idea of where he was from. He and his older twin sister, Rin, were only infants when a confectioner at the time found them abandoned in a basket on her way back from running an errand in the town over. Miriam had decided to take them both in, caring for them as if they were her own flesh and blood. When the twins had grown old enough, the king appointed roles to them both: Len had found himself as a knight-in-training with four others under Captain Yohio and Lieutenant Flower, and Rin was assigned to be a maid at the same time as another young girl her age named Iroha.

Despite the connections they had, Kaito and Len hadn’t met properly until the prince’s fourteenth birthday over a year before, when Len had still been twelve. The moment they locked eyes in the ballroom for the first time was the same moment they felt a strange familiarity with one another, before Flower elbowed him as sharply and unnoticeable as possible to remind him not to stare.

The following night, with Rin having noticed the two trying to meet each other's eyes a second time during the party and deciding to push Len into interaction, Len had found Kaito alone in the castle gardens. The prince turned and their eyes locked again, and once the knight came forward, their destiny was sealed.

Fate had dealt them a less than ideal hand, but they didn’t have room to complain as much as they could have. The fact that they were able to meet like this at all was an act of mercy, and they were unwilling to look that gift horse in the mouth out of fear that it would reveal something unpleasant--but here in the garden, there was nothing for them to fear. All there was was sweet comfort, an escape from their reality.

“The stars are beautiful again tonight,” Kaito murmured.

“They are,” Len agreed quietly as he lifted his gaze to the sky. “I was hoping the moon would be out, too, when the clouds cleared up, but…”

Kaito smiled up at him, and Len’s heart nearly jumped out of his chest at the sight of it--it always did, no matter how many times he saw it. “We’ll see it soon, I’m sure.”

Len beamed back, feeling his face warm up. “Maybe so.”

"...You know...I wish we could run away together," Kaito muttered, his head in the clouds again. "Maybe we could live alone somewhere in a forest where no one would find us."

"Wouldn't it be impossible unless you gave up your status?" Len posed, his outlook as realistic as ever.

"I couldn't care less about my status. If it meant I could live a normal life with you, I’d gladly give all of this up," the prince declared. "I just...wish it were that easy."

“This isn’t already normal for you?”

“Not when I see how everyone in the lower classes are living. I suppose in that sense, my life’s never been 'normal.'”

"...I see." The knight offered a smile. "Well...at least that abnormality let us meet each other, right?"

Kaito let out a small, fond laugh in response. Len always found the silver lining in every situation. It was something he wished he could do just as easily. “You’re right.”

As another comfortable silence began to envelop them, a voice rang out from the other side of the gardens where they had entered from. " _Your Highness?_ "

The two startled at the sound, and the blue-haired prince immediately sat up out of Len's lap with a soft gasp as they averted their attention toward the source. “I-is that...?”

“Come on, Kaito, we have to hide somewhere,” Len whispered frantically as he readied himself to start moving, his aquamarine eyes already alert and looking for another place for them to go without getting caught.

“Len, that's Kiyoteru. He's going to find us eventually. We might as well just go and talk to him.”

“What?! He’s going to tell the king and queen!”

"It’ll be fine," Kaito assured him, holding his hands up toward Len to keep him from panicking any further. "I’ve trusted him my whole life. I’m sure we can reason with him."

Len noticed the other boy's expression waver, and he frowned in concern. “You...don’t look too confident. Are you sure he’ll be okay with this?”

The prince bit the inside of his cheek in thoughtful silence before he nodded his head and regathered his courage. “We just...have to try and see.”

“ _What?_ I thought you--”

Suddenly, Kaito brought himself to his feet, standing tall so the rose bushes didn’t obscure him. Len scrambled to follow suit, his height allowing him just enough of a view past the top of the shrubbery. As if he had the eyes of a hawk, the spectacled man they'd both expected to be there spotted the two of them easily. “...What are you two doing here?”

Kaito took in a breath, preparing to push his way through as much as he could. “Kiyoteru, I--”

“You do realize your parents won’t be happy about this if they find out you’ve been sneaking out here, right?”

“ _Yes_ , I know,” the prince answered quickly, he and Len moving out of their hiding spot to come forward completely, “but please just let me explain.”

Kiyoteru sighed. He’d already come this far, he may as well hear him out. “Very well, then.”

“I...I’ve been...spending time with Len secretly for over a year now. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before.” At Kiyoteru’s silence, Kaito continued, slight panic rising in his chest in anticipation of a response. “I-I know Mother and Father want me to marry Princess Meiko, and I will, but...at least for now, let us be together until then. Please.”

Princess Meiko was not the name Kiyoteru had expected him to bring up, and frankly, that made it _more_ difficult for him to reply. “Wait, Your Highness, that’s…”

“I promise I’ll do what they want when the time comes. Please just let us have this for now.”

“That’s not…” The man sighed, making his split-second decision that yielding was his best option. “Alright, alright. I’ll keep quiet about this.”

“Thank you, Kiyoteru,” the prince replied, relief evident in his voice as his shoulders relaxed.

“Just...I trust you two not to do anything stupid. Okay?”

Kaito nodded vigorously as the light in his eyes started to return. “Of course.”

As Kiyoteru turned to go back inside the castle, Len’s voice reached his ears for the first and only time that night.

“I promise I’ll keep the prince safe.”

Kiyoteru stopped at his words, his first instinct causing him to be unsure of whether to take them as fact or if he should be suspicious instead. He turned to him, then nodded quietly before going back on his way. “I’ll hold you to that, then.”

 _There_ was one more secret for Kiyoteru to keep, he thought to himself as he left the two on their own again, and he hoped to whatever god would listen that the day would never come when Kaito would have to learn the ugly truth.

* * *

“This is stupid!”

Len and Fukase watched from their seats as Teto stamped her foot down in frustration against the concrete floor, her voice ripping through her like the blade of an assassin’s dagger across their target's chest. “There’s no reason to go to war for something as trivial as more land!” she added as she continued to pace across the room. “ _More land!_ We’ve got _plenty_ of land, don’t we?! What in the world are we using it for?!”

“You’d be surprised, actually,” Fukase deadpanned from the other side of the room, his arms folded across his chest. “But...you do have a point. Choria does already have a lot of land. Apparently, some of it isn’t really even _being_ used at the moment. At this point, it just looks like a show of power.”

“‘Absolute power corrupts absolutely,’” Len recited, the sound of Kaito’s voice quietly quoting those words resounding in his mind, “and that’s why Prince Kaito doesn’t want the crown.”

“I can’t say I blame him. If I were him, I would’ve just run away by now.”

“If it were only that easy.”

A tense silence fell over them, and Teto finally sank down into a chair with a loud sigh. “It doesn’t matter _what_ happened behind the scenes,” she said resentfully, her train of thought still fixated in the same place as if she hadn't even heard the other two mention the prince. “The fact of the matter is that _our_ king accepted _their_ declaration of war when he totally could have just tried to settle it peacefully, and _we’ll_ be the ones risking our lives going toe-to-toe with them in a few days.”

The boys hummed in agreement as Teto started to come down from her aggravated state. Fukase turned to Len, and the redhead opened his mouth to speak. “By the way, Len…”

Len averted his attention to him and saw a blank look on his face. “Huh?”

“It looks like we have a few people we need to talk to tonight.”

Len, understanding what he was trying to say, let out a sigh and looked down at the concrete under his brown boots. Right from the moment Yohio and Flower spread the news of the king’s announcement across the ranks, he knew the implications. By now, he was more than sure that the rest of the kingdom was made aware of what was going on, and he couldn’t leave any loose ends untied given that going out there could very well be the end of him. A few names ran through his head--his sister’s, his adoptive mother’s, a few others that belonged to people he would find in the servant’s quarters or some within the royal court--but one stuck out so much, his heart felt heavier the more he dwelled on it.

Kaito.

There was no doubt this was going to hurt him.

“I don’t know if I really want to, though,” Len admitted quietly.

“We don’t have a choice.”

“I know, but…”

“Len,” Teto began, her voice calmer and her cranberry red eyes looking for something in him. “I know you don’t want Prince Kaito to worry about you, but I think not saying anything about this to him would be worse.”

“She’s right.” Once Fukase got Len’s attention again, he continued. “Don’t you guys trust each other?”

Hesitatingly, the blonde nodded.

“Then maybe you should consider not breaking that trust with him. Just a thought.”

Len sighed. For once, Fukase was right. Keeping all this from Kaito was going to be hard, but he was sure he would feel even more guilty if he made the prince find out where he was on his own. “...Fine. I’ll talk to him. Hopefully...he won’t be too upset.”

“You won't know until you try, won’t you?” Teto mumbled.

“Don’t forget Iroha’s still with Rin,” Len reminded Fukase as he stood from his seat in preparation to leave the room.

“No worries,” the other boy replied as he watched Len go for the door. “I’ll tell Piko to come with us.”

Len opened the door and left, and the sound of Fukase chuckling to himself caught Teto off guard. "What are you laughing about?" she asked.

"Nothing important," Fukase answered, shaking his head. "There's just really nothing that guy wouldn't do for him. It's kind of admirable, to be honest."

Teto raised a brow. "What about little miss Rin, huh?" she teased as a smirk crossed her lips. "Is there anything you wouldn't do for her?"

The boy let out a small _hmph_ and averted his eyes from her. "I guess you got me there."

* * *

Calling for war never went without its internal drawbacks. Kiyoteru hadn't noticed it until all the soldiers and knights were sent to the battlefield, but Prince Kaito's reaction to the situation was a bit more than he'd expected--not that he could blame him, anyway, for feeling betrayed by his mother and father that they would pry Len away from him to a place where it was very possible for him to die miles from the prince's side.

Although, in hindsight, perhaps he should have seen it coming. He knew Kaito better than his own parents did; in a perfect world, that would have been the other way around.

The young prince was only a toddler when Kiyoteru's father died, passing his position of royal advisor to his only son. It was around this same time that Kaito had taken a liking to him, clinging to him in the same way he did with Miriam. It wasn't until he pieced together that the king and queen would see their firstborn son as nothing but the crown prince that he realized that he had one more unspoken responsibility.

As it turned out, the boy had put his trust into someone else as well: a young servant with long, purple locks bound into a ponytail, who had only been a new recruit at the time. He wasn’t much older than Kiyoteru, but he’d already had experience serving a monarch whose kingdom had fallen no more than a year prior to his arrival. The more they ran into each other, the more familiar they got with one another, and now that Kiyoteru thought about it, his own more-than-close bond with Gakupo was probably the only reason he was able to keep Kaito and Len’s less than small secret from the rest of the royal family.

Things remained relatively peaceful until the king of Haineia, a country that had been an enemy of their own for as long as written history could tell anyone, declared war on them with the goal of taking their land. Despite all of Kiyoteru's efforts to advise the king against declaring war for territorial gain, he’d reached a point of it being impossible and surrendered. Now, because of his cowardice, Len was away from the castle along with the rest of Captain Yohio’s soldiers, and everyone else had to stay and watch Kaito go through his own internal war.

“This is absolutely _senseless_ ,” Kiyoteru muttered bitterly to himself as the sound of his door opening reached his ears.

“And where were you when His Majesty made the declaration?”

“You _know_ him. He never listens to us until we’re all reduced to yesmen.” Kiyoteru returned his pen into its inkwell and turned his head, and there at the door stood Gakupo, a letter in hand. “What are you doing here, anyway?”

“Is it so wrong of me to want to check on my sweetheart?”

Kiyoteru’s face grew warm as he became obtusely aware of the door that was still open, and his anxiety shot up at the prospect that anyone else could have been in the vicinity and heard that crystal clear. “ _Please_ close the door before you get caught calling me another pet name,” the brunet requested quietly, and Gakupo followed his order. “You don’t usually come up here this early in the day, so I’d have to assume you need something from me.”

"I might have...a question," Gakupo began. "Do you think Prince Kaito’s heart could take another letter?"

Kiyoteru sighed, pushing his glasses back into place as his gaze met the other man's thoughtful expression. "Who is it from this time? Len again?"

"You're not going to believe this."

The spectacled man blinked in confusion. "What do you mean?"

Gakupo, his smile remaining as calm and collected as ever, handed the envelope to him. "Have a look for yourself."

Kiyoteru took it out of his hand and looked down at the insignia on the red wax seal, its design a flower resembling a camellia, slight surprise registering on his face when he realized whose it was. "...Princess Meiko?" he mumbled to himself, Gakupo's response nothing but an affirmative hum. "Since when have they been corresponding?"

"Since right now, I suppose," Gakupo answered, taking the envelope back out of his hands and staring down at the seal's design. "As far as I know, he hasn't sent anything to her since the letter he wrote her after their marriage contract was put into place."

"If the king and queen find out about this, then that's the prince's head in a basket."

"They aren't Robespierre," the servant said, his voice softer in an attempt to calm him down. "You're exaggerating again, love. Besides, they won't know if we don't say anything about it to them, right?"

"It's _not_ that easy, Gakupo," Kiyoteru asserted.

"You've kept him and Len a secret. You've kept us a secret. What's the harm in one more? They’re already being forced to get married, anyway, so at least this will barely even be a scandal if word does get out."

The younger man sighed. Gakupo may have always been this stubborn, especially when it came to Kaito--but Kiyoteru had to admit, he was right. "Oh, fine. Just go already. I suppose it really doesn’t matter who it’s from. At least he gets some sense of relief either way."

"Are you sure? You seem...worried."

"Kaito just..." Kiyoteru glanced down at his hands in his lap as he tried to gather his thoughts into words. "He thought Princess Meiko was the reason why the king and queen would be upset with him being with Len. At least, that's what he said when I found them in the gardens the first time."

The servant frowned and shook his head before he could even finish. “We’re not telling him, Kiyoteru.”

“He has to know eventually,” Kiyoteru insisted. “He has to know that the issue has nothing to do with the contract.”

“He does _not_ ,” Gakupo rebuked, his voice low as he slowly placed the letter down onto Kiyoteru’s desk. “At least, not right now. But if you’re still determined to tell him about how disgustingly prejudiced his own parents are even though he probably already knows, then wait until they’re out of the picture.”

At Kiyoteru’s speechlessness toward his less than vague implications, he sighed and continued. “Dear...there’s a reason it took Kaito this long for him to tell us, you know. It doesn’t matter what his reason is, he’s already scared of them finding out about him and Len. Why would you want to make him _more_ afraid?”

"...I don't know. Maybe I’m just the one who’s scared," the brunet confessed quietly. "But I don't know if I'm scared for us or for him."

"It could be both for all you know," Gakupo murmured, "and that's fine, anyway. I can’t say I’m not scared, either. But we shouldn’t project that onto him."

A silence came over the two, and finally, Kiyoteru let out a sigh. "In any case...we shouldn't keep any of these letters from him; whatever’s in there, he deserves to know it. Besides, we didn't spend nearly half our lives raising him for nothing."

"True," the servant concurred as he began to make his way to the door to start heading up to Kaito's room, letter in hand, but one more statement from Kiyoteru's lips stopped him in his tracks out of habit.

"If the king and queen had only opted to treat him like their own _son,_ then we wouldn't be in this position right now."

“...Also true,” Gakupo responded, placing his hand gently on the door handle, “but maybe it's better this way after all.”

The lavender-haired man pulled the entrance open and quietly walked out of the room, closing the door behind him and leaving Kiyoteru to his silent agreement.

* * *

The castle gardens had never felt emptier than they did now, despite the gardener Avanna’s presence in the far side of the area, tending to the patches of marigolds that flourished there. Without Len's company to add to the beauty surrounding him, the flowers seemed to shy away from him, as if they themselves couldn’t bear to watch him suffer any longer.

Months had passed since Len's departure, and his anxiety as of recent had bloomed just like the flowers before him. Rin had snuck him inside the servant’s quarters a month before as he realized his room was starting to feel less and less safe from the watchful eyes of his parents and the servants who had no clue of what he was hiding, and she had offered him another place of solace which he gladly accepted. On that same day, a letter had come in for Iroha from Flower, informing her that Piko had been killed on the battlefield the night it was written. Her cries of grief as Rin attempted to soothe her filled the small room as Kaito remained silent, his thoughts immediately returning to Len and how much more he began to worry for his well-being.

Here he was now, practically alone in the garden as the sun continued to fall, wondering where Len was now or if he would even survive long enough to come home--but he’d promised, the prince reminded himself. Len had promised him that they would see each other again, and Kaito had full trust in that sentiment.

“Your Highness.”

Startled, Kaito turned toward the door leading back inside the castle. There stood Gakupo, holding a tea tray in his hands, and just the sight of him calmed his nerves again. “What’s this…?”

“You’ve been alone out here for a while,” the servant said, setting the tray down onto the table and pouring some tea into a cup. “I thought you might have needed some company. I apologize if I alarmed you.”

"...It's alright." Gakupo set the cup down in front of Kaito, who quietly watched the steam rise from the familiar, sweet-smelling liquid. It was soothing as always, but somehow, it didn't seem to be enough to quell his worries this time. "Wouldn’t I be keeping you, though?" he asked, glancing up at him tentatively.

"Well...if you don't want me here right now, I can--"

“No!” Kaito blurted out, surprising Gakupo and even himself. He felt his face and ears heat up in embarrassment as he lowered his voice. “No, it's...you can stay."

“If you say so.” The older man sat down in the chair across from him, and the two sat soundlessly as Kaito took small sips from his cup. Lilac eyes looked over the boy, noticing the conflict in his eyes, something that had been present for months. “Your Highness,” he began, catching the prince's attention, “I know you're trying to stay strong for the sake of the kingdom, but I've known for a while that you've been fighting your own battles in silence, too. Every time I look at you nowadays, there's a war in your eyes…but I can never tell if you have the advantage or not. Even so, you still fight on. I admire your strength.”

“My strength…?”

Gakupo nodded. “Actually...you remind me a lot of someone.”

“Who?”

“Queen Sora of Avekar. Have you heard of her?” Gakupo asked, and Kaito shook his head quietly. It was understandable he wouldn't know, the purple-haired man thought, since Avekar was a much smaller kingdom. “When I was still around your age, I was serving under her command. Her parents were assassinated, and she was crowned at eighteen as their sole heir. However...she didn’t have the crown for long.”

“What happened to her?”

“Shortly after the week of her coronation, she died mysteriously in her sleep,” Gakupo explained. “It seemed that someone on the castle staff had been poisoning her little by little over time, though the reason for why was something I never learned. By the time they were caught red-handed, a noble named Longya had already taken the throne, but he was unable to keep the kingdom afloat.”

“And then Avekar fell,” Kaito mused, to which the purple-haired man responded with an affirmative hum. “I see...but why did you say that I remind you of her?”

“Well...not only did she not want to take the crown at first, but she also had a secret affair with one of the servants.”

Kaito smiled softly. “It wasn’t you, was it?”

Gakupo let out a chuckle and shook his head. “As kind and beautiful as I thought she was, no, it was not me,” he answered. “Who knows where he is now, but...his name was Wil. I caught them dancing alone in the ballroom one night long before she was crowned, and when they noticed I was there, she nearly begged me not to say a word to anyone about it.”

A small laugh escaped Kaito’s lips at his story, and Gakupo felt some mix of both pride and comfort in his chest at the sound of it. “Would you be in trouble with her for telling me, then?” the boy asked.

“I’m sure she doesn’t mind now,” Gakupo replied with a smile. “Besides, I think she’d be glad to know it got a laugh out of you.”

“Oh...I suppose it did.”

“...I haven’t heard you laugh like that in a while, Your Highness,” Gakupo thought out loud, his tone suddenly more serious than Kaito was prepared for. “Have you been worrying again?”

Kaito nodded almost reluctantly. “Honestly, it seems like all I do is worry these days...but that definitely took my mind off it for a bit. Thank you.”

As their conversation drew to a close, a high-pitched scream suddenly rang out from the far side of the gardens, and the two turned toward the sound. “What was that...?” Gakupo muttered, his eyes alert.

“Avanna is the only other person around,” Kaito murmured worriedly. “Did something--”

“Your Highness! Gakupo!”

The two looked in the direction of the cry, and there was Avanna, running to them with a panicked expression on her face. Gakupo stood from his seat. “What is it, Avanna?”

“I-it’s Len and Fukase!” she exclaimed. “They’ve returned!”

“What? By themselves?”

“Follow me, please!”

As Avanna ran back, Kaito was the first to come behind her, forcing himself out of his seat in panic. Gakupo stayed close to him, and the moment they saw Fukase supporting a wounded Len, his lips and armor stained a dirty crimson, he knew it was almost over. A ghost of a smile crossed Len’s wet lips before his legs failed him, and Fukase forced himself down with him so his head wouldn’t hit the ground.

“Len!” the prince cried, rushing to his side as Fukase allowed him to hold the knight in his arms. “What happened to you?”

"They surrendered,” Len managed through labored breaths. “The captain sent us to tell the king and queen, and...we got attacked…"

"What? If they surrendered, then no one should have..." Kaito shook his head, trying to focus back on the issue at hand. "Who attacked you?"

"We don't know," Fukase answered. "They were cloaked. We couldn't see their face very well, and there was nothing on them that showed they were from Haineia."

“Why did you come through this way?” Gakupo questioned.

“Because this lovestruck idiot insisted on it,” the red-haired knight muttered, his voice absent of what usually would have been annoyed resentment, but was instead replaced with what almost seemed to be distress.

Len slowly lifted a hand to Kaito with a relieved smile. "I told you we'd...see each other again."

"Save your breath," Kaito pleaded, grasping his calloused hand as tears cascaded down his cheeks. He turned back towards Gakupo, and the purple-haired man realized that the war in Kaito's desperate, cobalt eyes was close to reaching a conclusion--though how it would end was still lost on him. "Gakupo, get Miss Miriam, please!"

“I’ll come with you,” Fukase said as he stood. He looked down at Len. “I’m sure Rin wants to be here, too.” He turned his gaze to Kaito, and something in him twisted at the sight of the fear on his face. Regardless of what happened after this, he had a feeling this wasn’t going to be the end of it. Unnoticed by him, his own voice softened. “Keep him company for now, Your Highness. We’ll be back soon, promise.”

Kaito nodded dumbly, and Gakupo and Fukase hurried back inside the castle, Avanna following close behind to lead them to Miriam’s whereabouts. More images burned into his mind from that point on, Len’s warmth fading as Kaito begged him to stay awake for at least until they could return with Miriam and Rin.

Rin was the first to arrive, Fukase with her, sprinting towards them and taking up Len’s other side at once, teardrops spilling from her eyes despite how much it looked like she had been trying to hold them in. Miriam came shortly after with Gakupo, and suddenly, Len was being carried off, Kaito and Rin following behind them. The two, accompanied by Fukase, had waited anxiously outside the room Len had been taken into, minutes feeling like hours as they prayed for some miracle. The door opened slowly about a half hour later, silence coming from inside, swollen eyes on Miriam's sullen face as she quietly confirmed the worst.

Kaito didn’t know what she said; all he knew was that he lost his war. Victory was unbearably close, until fate pointed a dagger straight toward his back and stabbed him quickly, the lights in his eyes going out when he realized what had been taken from him. A sharp pain bloomed in his chest as his gaze moved down to the floor, his body stiff, save his quivering shoulders and spastic chest, as bitter tears streamed down his cheeks. The young maid screamed in anguish--a sound that would never leave Kaito’s memories for the rest of his life--her thin legs nearly failing her as she slumped against the wall, sobbing woefully into her hands. Miriam, taking pity, stepped forward and pulled them into her consoling arms as they succumbed to her warmth and wept into her shoulders.

Fukase remained standing silently where he was, watching the melancholy scene unfold in front of him, wondering why the world seemed so against them. They’d won the war, but at what cost? Was it worth it, Fukase thought with a frown, that their victory resulted in grief? Knowing the king's priorities, the answer became obvious. Suddenly, it was no wonder in his mind why Kaito believed so much in the destruction that came out of assuming absolute power. 

No wonder he so adamantly rejected the crown. If he were in his position, he would have done just the same.

* * *

Kaito quickly learned by word of mouth that mourning a knight to the extent that he was was not something a prince like him was expected to do. Right now, his room was probably the safest place he could've been in to grieve, and even then, he still felt invisible eyes on him, as if his parents would somehow find out about everything--the letters, the secret meetings at night, _all_ of it--and punish him, and likely others, cruelly for it. He learned the hard way that this wasn't anything they would take lightly, and he knew he had been putting specific members of the court in danger of such punishment by sharing his secret with them, but all of them had been lucky so far.

All except one, the other half of the mystery, whose retribution for simply falling in love with the prince was administered by the backstabbing hands of fate.

Looking up at the clear, night sky over the gardens from the window of his room overwhelmed him with memories of Len--the nights they would waltz amongst the lilies, the sound of their joyful voices being all the music they needed; the nights they would lay in the soft grass under the wondrous blanket of stars and bare their souls to one another, letting go of things that weighed heavily on their hearts without the worry of having to spare a single detail; the nights they would stroll past the lush rose bushes, toying with the notion of escaping the kingdom to live a normal life together.

If only he were here to see that the moon had come out for them.

Kaito sighed shakily, letting his lashes flutter closed as he hung his head. Life wasn't normal; it never was, nor would it ever be for the rest of his life. Walking through those gardens would never be the same again. Just looking down at the foliage through the latticed iron, the moonlight seemingly causing it to glow, gave him a heavy, empty feeling deep in his chest. The person who cured the loneliness of his heart, quelled the dullness of his daily life, and taught him what falling in love felt like was gone, leaving nothing but an empty void that could be replaced by no other.

A knock came to his door, causing him to lift his head toward the sound. "Who is it?" he called softly, but with just enough volume that he would still be heard from the other side.

"It's us."

Upon hearing the voice, Kaito felt a rush of security as he hurried toward the door. He tugged it open, and there in front of him stood Kiyoteru and Gakupo, concerned looks on their faces as they met his pained eyes. Kiyoteru hadn't been there when it happened, so Kaito was sure he was here because Gakupo had told him everything. A sob involuntarily escaped his throat, and Kiyoteru quietly led him back inside the room as Gakupo closed the door behind them. Kaito threw his arms around Kiyoteru's torso, whimpering pitifully against his shoulder, and the spectacled man unquestioningly accepted him into a comforting embrace, shushing him softly and murmuring incoherent words of assurance into his hair. Gakupo--who hadn't seen Kiyoteru act so tenderly in a very long time--came forward to join them, and they allowed the prince to weep in their arms until he was satisfied.

They had an unspoken vow to stay by his side, and they'd promised never to violate the trust he had put in them from such a young age. The loss Kaito had suffered was far beyond his status, possibly caused by nothing but internalized scorn--it _had_ to have been, Kiyoteru insisted, to which Gakupo had no response--and it left the two honestly wondering if they were even safe to stay together. They both knew, however, that whether or not they were, they had to keep their word no matter what.

Len had certainly kept his, after all.

* * *

In Kaito’s mind, time seemed to both crawl and race at once after what had transpired.

Within the following week, Captain Yohio and all his surviving soldiers returned to the castle. On that same night, Kaito had been greeted with a visit from both Fukase and Teto, the two knights that he knew Len had considered close friends, who had found a letter within Len’s belongings that was addressed to him.

A letter of hope for his future, even after Len was gone and they would have no chance to feel each other’s touch any longer.

_\--Despite everything, know that I will always be there to watch over you, even if you can’t see me._

The memory of Len’s determined yet softhearted eyes as he swore his loyalty to him on the first day they’d met in the gardens returned to the front of his mind. Staring down at the words in his hands and pairing it with his recollections of the person that had written them choked him up until he found himself in tears again. He awoke the next morning to the letter next to him on his nightstand, neatly folded back into its envelope, realizing he’d cried himself to sleep at his desk and Gakupo had likely come in and carried him into his bed.

The immediate aftermath of the war brought forth the spoils of victory at the cost of everyone else's misery, including his own. The king and queen themselves seemingly saw no bad consequences to their actions--it was either that, Kaito thought, or they'd elected to ignore it altogether--but Kaito was more than aware of the changes around him. Within the first year, the atmosphere had dropped. People who he had known to be more cheerful became more troubled than anything. Secretive murmurs of people wanting the king and queen removed from power, originating from both royal staff and royal subjects, began to circulate. Whether or not such talk had actually reached the throne was lost on him, as it was never addressed.

Fifteen months following the end of the war, the king and queen left the kingdom on a trip overseas while Leon and Lola, two other advisors, were left in charge of the throne, although Kaito had heard that Kiyoteru had been their first choice. The two weeks that came right after saw their lives lost in a storm, and it was the day Kaito had been dreading his whole life, but not for the same reasons that the rest of the kingdom had anticipated.

The next few months leading up to his eighteenth birthday felt like hell. With the timing of everything, he could barely even get a second to himself until nighttime came, despite how much the people he trusted the most tried to make things less heavy on him. More letters were exchanged between him and Princess Meiko despite being advised against it, but there came a point where no one was willing to stop him anymore. He poured his heart out on the papers, revealing everything to her--something he hadn't done since the day he begged Kiyoteru to allow him to be with Len for as long as he still wasn't married.

So much for that.

For all the communication that went on between them, Kaito had never actually met the princess in person--not until the day of their dual coronation, at least, which had doubled as their wedding. Her letters had painted her to be someone just like him: an heir who wanted nothing to do with her birthright, and much preferred her own freedom to choose what she wanted for herself. But even so, she’d written to him that she would swallow her pride and accept the weight of the crown if it meant she would have the power to alter the rules, and that was only one of many things she said that had stuck with him.

 _King Kaito and Queen Meiko of Choria_. Just the mere idea had left a bitter taste in his mouth for years, and if it weren't for his own effort to remain poised through the whole ordeal, he would have felt sick to his stomach the moment those words reverberated across the room from the mouth of the archbishop.

Perhaps if he hadn’t come back to the letters she had sent him before the war was even a concept in his late father’s mind, he wouldn’t have had that slight change of heart to trust that the potential to change the game entirely would be in his hands once he was on that throne and the crown was on his head. With someone like Meiko at his side, maybe there really was nothing else left for him to lose. After all, he’d already lost the most precious thing he had, hadn’t he?

...And here he was once again. Alone in the gardens under a cloudy, starless sky, with nothing but sorrowful memories that had once filled him with joy.

“Kaito? What are you doing out here?”

The new king turned his head and saw Meiko approaching him, the hem of her elaborate red dress dragging behind her against the stone path. "...Thinking," he replied, averting his gaze again.

"You still miss him," she deduced quietly, traces of commiseration present in her voice as she stopped at his side.

"I do," he answered simply, no reason for him to utter a denial. "Being out here hasn't ever felt right since that day."

"I'm sure it hasn't."

"...Meiko," he began suddenly after a pause, "does it ever feel like the world is against us?"

"By 'us,' you mean...?"

"Just... _us_. As individuals."

"Well...if _this_ is the hand that fate dealt us, then she really is a cruel mistress," Meiko mused sympathetically, to which Kaito responded with a silence that urged her to continue with her thought. "Do you think we would've had better luck being born someplace else?"

"Perhaps, in some world where freedom was actually an option for us."

"Freedom comes in many forms, you know."

Kaito knitted his eyebrows together and shook his head. "I hope you’re not implying what I think you are. I promised everyone I'd clean up the mess my father left, and the whole kingdom’s looking to me to fulfill that. There's still so much I have to do, and I'd rather not put that burden on any of my siblings. Besides...I promised Len I wouldn't give up no matter what."

“Stop putting all the burden on yourself first,” Meiko reprimanded, the fire in her light brown eyes and the sudden sharpness in her voice catching Kaito off guard. “I know your father made a lot of thick-headed, self-serving decisions, and it’s a wonder how conceited he had to be not to listen to Kiyoteru or any of the others, but I promised you we'd be able to put everything back to rights. I wouldn't go back on my word now. And you can hold me to that. I have no intention of becoming a figurehead.”

“Meiko…”

"Your Majesties?"

The two turned towards the door that led back inside the castle and saw a blonde maid--who had turned sixteen without her twin brother and had recently cut her hair just above her shoulders for the first time since her childhood--standing straight with her hands folded against her apron.

"Rin," Kaito acknowledged.

"It's time," she said. Kaito and Meiko both nodded in understanding, and she curtsied quickly before excusing herself again. Kaito readied himself to return, but the sound of the brunette's voice stopped his train of thought.

“You know...Gakupo was right. You really are resilient. I respect that.”

Kaito stayed where he was, mulling over her words as a heavy feeling suddenly weighed on his heart. Meiko let out a deep breath, signaling that she’d said all that she had to say. "...Let's go back inside for now," he whispered. "We can finish this conversation later, but everyone's waiting on us."

* * *

When the wine stopped flowing nearly three hours following the toast, there was complete and utter silence. Not a single soul had stayed alive long enough to even realize that poison was flowing in its place. In the aftermath of it all, only two women were left standing, their own systems free of any kind of substance.

A young woman with green hair that just barely passed her shoulders and eyes the color of the forest’s depths, dressed in a simple orange and yellow dress that reached her ankles, returned from where she had been hiding in the gardens and stood in the center of the empty throne room. Had she not been cloaked on the day she ambushed the crown prince’s secret lover, the short red-haired knight that was with him would have recognized her upon her arrival to Choria, and her arrangement with her mistress would have all gone down the drain--but she was strategic for an assassin of her age, and that was why her mistress trusted her. Perhaps it was out of her own selfishness, but no matter the order given to her--whatever it took to keep that light in her disposable life--she would do it without question.

No matter how much her heart had been broken by her in the four years she’d been assigned to her, Princess Miku would arrive soon, and all would go according to plan.

"Gumi? Didn't I tell you there were only two targets?"

Gumi turned, and there stood another woman at the doorway with an enigmatic smile on her smooth lips. This woman had teal tresses done up in two flowing pigtails and piercing light blue eyes, the golden trim of her elegant green and white gown trailing behind her as she approached, and Gumi straightened up upon seeing her. “Why is it that I found more bodies and pools of blood than I expected on the way here?” she continued.

"Your Highness' instruction for me was to poison the wine, was it not?"

“Yes, it was,” Miku conceded, “but did I not say that the king and queen's glasses alone would be sufficient?”

"I apologize, Your Highness, if I overdid it. I found no opportunity to isolate theirs, so I opted for the source instead," Gumi explained.

Miku raised a hand in dismissal. "No need for apologies. It doesn't matter much, anyway, and you did manage not to poison yourself in the process. The important thing is...you've completed your mission. And the throne's been freed up."

"Excuse my questioning, but shouldn't we have done this a long time ago?" Gumi pondered. "This place wasn't being ruled by anyone permanent for months on end."

"It’s...an _underhanded_ tactic, yes, but there wasn’t much choice in the long run. It would've been much easier just to blend in with a crowd this large at an event this important...but I guess his father and my brother were both just impatient, bloodthirsty megalomaniacs." Miku sighed and shook her head disappointedly. “I _did_ tell him it was worth waiting for the right time, you know? Maybe he’ll know to listen to me now instead of wasting his time sicking his army unnecessarily.”

"You may be onto something." The green-haired girl smiled mysteriously. "After all, once you're on that throne and the crown is on your head, it's a victory for us."

“Oh, we won the moment their poor crown prince decided to have an affair with a lowly knight,” the princess scoffed. “You saw how much his spirit had been broken with your own two eyes. No one would have ever considered abdicating the throne to him if they’d known what he was hiding--and it doesn’t quite help him that he had so many accomplices. He was weak. And, well…” Miku proceeded up the steps leading to the throne, the sound of her heels resounding across the wide room. “If you can’t protect your king, you lose the game, now don’t you?”

“Love really is blinding,” Gumi said out loud, almost too much so, as if to block out the screams of her own fragmented heart. “I suppose all that time we spent watching them closely paid off.”

The tealette picked the crown up from the seat of the throne and smiled--a pawn reaching the end of the board to transform into something even more powerful than a king--not a single thought for the other woman running through her head. “You might be onto something yourself.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *mentioned/hinted at in this chapter: akaito, kaiko, taito, nigaito, oliver, piko, yohioloid, flower, iroha, sora, longya, wil, leon, lola, mikuo
> 
> i'm not super into how all over the place this chapter turned out tbh but my one (1) braincell would not cooperate this time,,, i hope each section is still understandable??? i might come back and rewrite a bit but i'm okay with this for now
> 
> fun fact: no one important besides len was assassinated in the original version of this au (kaito actually ended up having twins with meiko but it was rly only for the sake of having an heir) but,, i had to figure something out this time lmao
> 
> anyways ty to those of you who opted to subscribe to this fic bc we all know this is going to take a really long time but i rly appreciate it!!! i’m glad some of you are into this now (and hopefully i don’t lose interest in this bc we're halfway done and i do actually want to see this completed)


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